


So Distracting

by ScarfyTheShipster



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angry Sex, Awkward Romance, Banter, Blue-Purple Hawke, Canon-Typical Violence, Closet Sex, Clothed Sex, Comfort/Angst, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Drinking, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Consent, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Fenris Has Issues, Fenris is Bad at Feelings, First Time, Flashbacks, Flirting, Friendship/Love, Gentle Kissing, Idiots in Love, Intimacy, Isabela being Isabela (Dragon Age), Love Bites, Love Confessions, M/M, Mage Rights, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Pining, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Plot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Quickies, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Frustration, Sharing a Bed, Teasing, Voice Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-05-26 12:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15000896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarfyTheShipster/pseuds/ScarfyTheShipster
Summary: Anders shows up at Fenris's mansion to propose they let off some passion at each other. Fenris distracts him, they can't stand each other, and Fenris is willing to make Anders shut up any way possible.It doesn't mean anything.It's just frustrationHA.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written these two so I hope I do them Justice! (Haha, Justice)
> 
> I love both Anders and Fenris and alas, I can only have them both in fic. Enjoy!

"Elf."

Fenris turned, eyes narrowing at the voice behind him. He was retiring for the night in his mansion, unaware any companion had bothered to follow him inside- especially this one. "Mage."

Anders was waiting at the threshold of Fenris's kitchen. It was one of the few rooms kept habitable and clean for food safety's sake. He didn't let the dreary, abandoned atmosphere get to him, or the scowl on Fenris's face. He had a purpose for coming here, after all. It'd been building inside him, a desire he'd needed sated. It was important. Even Justice knew he had to have this in order for him to work more efficiently. "I have a proposition for you."

"You know damn well I will not sign any petition regarding mages and you-"

"I want to have sex with you."

Fenris stilled, speechless.

Anders continued, "You see, I spend a lot of time thinking about you. Justice is annoyed by my dual attraction and anger towards you, and it seems best to blow off some steam. You're a distraction. The tension is a distraction. I know from how you glare at me and how disruptive our personalities are together on missions that I distract you as well. Thoughts?"

Fenris had many thoughts. The first being what the HELL, the second being Isabela would definitely make fun of them once she figured it out (and she most certainly would figure it out), and the third being- loathe he was to admit it out loud, Anders was attractive. Fenris appreciated his ponytail and charming eyes, and he knew Anders had a history of being quite the lover. "I'd be rough with you, mage."

Anders licked his lips, the movement drawing Fenris's eyes. Such a pretty mouth he'd enjoy claiming as his own. "Yes, that's the idea."

"I'd be on top."

"Works for me."

"You do as I tell you."

Anders hesitated. "As in if you ask me to stop something I will, but I won't obey commands or play fetch-"

"Correct- nothing er, kinky." Fenris let it sink in that he was actually agreeing to sex with Anders, and that his body was warming up to the idea as well. "The lyrium in my skin reacts to touch, and I need control. Understood?"

The mage relaxed. "Of course, Fenris. We can play rough, have our heated moments, but I don't want to actually hurt you. I'm a healer, and you're a coworker at the very least." 

Fenris nodded. Anders' concern and caring was touching, but he figured it was only professional. "I don't want to harm you either, but what you're talking about is hate-fucking."

"I- that's a little strong wording." 

"Anger fucking then? It's mutual." Fenris shrugged. It was true. He turned back to his meal preparation, slicing apples and cheese and meat to have with wine. Now that Anders had spoken his mind, he noticed the kitchen had a nice aroma of fruit. Fenris really did love his apples. "But you're by far not the worst person who's been in my bed. I could use some stress relief- although it's ironically provided by someone who's a source of stress."

Anders grinned. "Letting loose some of that energy at me is direct action."

Fenris didn't move from his spot, despite how his ears twitched with interest. This was to be impersonal- but how could it be? Openly admitting he was attracted to someone (who annoyed and irritated the hell out of him) and wanting to bed them when he spent almost every day in their company was as personal as it got. He couldn't pretend to not look out for Anders' basic wellbeing. Hawke would be upset if Anders was harmed. "You're going to have some dinner with me. I don't care about your feelings, mage, but I won't have you fainting in bed."

"I'm an ex warden, I'd like to see you try."

"You look like you haven't eaten in a week, and that's coming from a wiry elf. Sit." Fenris set his tray of food on the dining table and beckoned Anders over. Fenris drank directly from his bottle of wine as he slid into a chair and held it out for Anders. "Want any? I've never been a bad host." Fenris was never a host for most anyone, and Anders knew this.

"Pass."

"Good."

Fenris drank even more. He set the bottle aside and nibbled apple and cheese together. Anders also ate, silence stretching between them. He had to break it. "You're taking this remarkably well."

"Our current company is filled with a variety of people with liberal views on sex. I'm not surprised someone wants to bed me." Fenris had been initially startled and was still in shock, but it wasn't unwelcome.

"But I'm-" Anders gestured to himself, "me."

At this, Fenris grinned. He wasn't looking for a relationship. Anders would be fun to banter and toy with, so long as politics weren't brought up. "You underestimate how much I want to make you shut up."

"Oh?"

"Yes, although I'm curious as to why you're attracted to me. There's something to be said for heat and passion building from friction, but genuine attraction? Flatter me, mage."

Anders laughed. "Oh, you'll think I'm joking."

"Try me."

Anders brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. Fenris imagined how soft that hair would feel in his grasp. "Your voice. It's smoky, low, sensual. I like to imagine how you'd sound in bed even more than how'd you look- which is still gorgeous."

"Hmmmmm." Fenris was surprised. He'd use it against Anders in the most pleasurable ways possible. "If you must know, you're easy on the eyes yourself. Physically, we're a match."

Anders nodded. "Yes. Justice will stay out of this, if that comforts you."

Fenris abruptly stood up. He didn't want to get into anything too personal. Mages and templars didn't exist in his home. He briskly strode to Anders's side of the table and pulled him up, eyes glinting. "You're not here to chat anymore, are you?"

Anders wasn't expecting the sudden tip into bed, but he wasn't complaining. Fenris was abrupt and borderline rude in many ways. This was just a pleasant one. "You better make me shut up, elf."

Fenris grabbed Anders by his hair and their mouths clashed together. Anders yelped at the roughness but moaned as they kissed, pressed tight against each other. Fenris was gripping his hair like a vice and his other hand meant business, palming and squeezing Anders's backside as best he could though his robes. Anders opened his mouth and groaned, eager to kiss and settle his arms around Fenris, heat flashing to his face. Anders's touch was gentler and curious, touching Fenris's cheek and feeling his snowy hair. 

Taking someone to bed generally implied a bed would be involved, but Fenris was impatient. His blood raced through his veins and his lyrium sang under Anders' fingers. Every touch and suck and press of their mouths together got Fenris so aroused he growled in Anders' ear. "You like it rough? You sure?"

"Oh, god. Yes?" Anders sounded like he was going to tease or quip- but Fenris cut him off. He kissed Anders hard and spun so his back was to the table and shoved Anders on top of it with a loud bang, pushing him almost all the way onto it and straddling him, unbothered by the hard cedar against his knees.

Anders's eyes widened and he groaned, whimpering and shaking. He kissed Fenris feverishly, hips bucking up to rub against his body. "Oh yes YES you're good!" 

Fenris worked to tug Anders's robes off with his mouth still on his, fussing at the mantle and fastenings on his garments, taking frustration out on Anders himself with a nip to his neck. "Off. Now."

Anders tore his clothes off as fast as possible and watched as Fenris threw his on the floor. Alarm raced through him for a split second when Fenris turned away, but he returned with a vial of oil and he bit his lip. The white lyrium designs danced all over Fenris's skin and highlighted his hips and abdomen, tracing over solid slim muscle. If he didn't know how they'd been inflicted, Anders would call it beautiful. "How do you want me?"

Fenris preferred to show instead of tell, evidently. He seized Anders's hips and flipped him over, holding him so his chest was against the table and Anders was prone in front of him. Fenris swatted Anders's ass before oiling his fingers. "This might hurt."

Anders looked over his shoulder, already disheveled and debauched. "Good," he hissed. 

Fenris was quick to prepare Anders, taking care to not actually hurt him, but growling with satisfaction as Anders keened with pleasure pain. Anders was beautiful splayed out in front of him and Fenris eyed the scars on his back, a snarl rising out of his throat at the signs of abuse Anders had been through. Anders was rocking his pelvis, mewling and face bright red when Fenris withdrew his fingers and looking far too pretty. 

"You're pretty," commented Fenris. It sounded like a tease, but it was true.

"Don't go all soft on me!" demanded Anders.

He didn't.

Fenris held Anders's hip and shoulder, snapping into him with a rough pace. Anders groaned and took every thrust with a moan and pushed against the table, toes curling on either side of Fenris's feet. Fenris shook and panted. Anders was perfect. 

No, Anders wasn't perfect. Fenris's thrusts turned almost cruel, the purpose of this exercise catching up with him, his grip bruising and Anders crying out and scratching the table, breaths of "yes" passing his lips when he could manage. Anders confused Fenris. A man who stood against oppression, yet couldn't see why Fenris hated mages. Someone who'd been abused and imprisoned like him, and treated Fenris like his point of view didn't matter. It wasn't even a matter of sympathy- it was of respect. Understanding. Basic decency no one seemed to possess anymore.

But if Anders wanted to call him a wild dog, well, Fenris would do his best.

Fenris hissed and felt his orgasm drawing close. He leaned by Anders's ear. "Come. Now."

Evidently, Anders really had a Thing for his voice. The mage screamed and obeyed, going completely lax as Fenris finished. They rested for a minute, Fenris absently petting Anders's sides and rubbing his shoulders. He was winded and lightheaded in the best way.

Anders shakily stood up, a grin on his face after all that. "Wow."

"You're going to have bruising."

Anders shrugged. "Oh, well worth it." The smile faded and he looked for his clothes, planning to leave. "I'd- well I'd be down for this again, but-"

"Leave in the morning."

Even Fenris was surprised by his words, but Anders stared with shock. "What?"

"Hawke will have my head if his favorite mage boy gets killed wandering the streets of Lowtown and Darktown on his own. Stay here."

Anders rubbed the back of his neck. "Is there a couch somewhere?"

"Danarius's bed is plenty big. Grow up." Fenris padded into the bedroom and only pulled on underwear, plopping down on the canopy bed. There was no need to be weird about it, right? They'd all shared tents and beds before. 

"Er- be there in a minute." Anders cleaned up and brushed his hair, coming to bed looking fairly presentable. He curled up on the other side of the bed, the two of them a solid foot apart. "Goodnight, I suppose."

"Shut up, mage."

A smile ghosted Anders's face. They lay with their backs to each other, and he sighed with satisfaction. Justice wasn't pleased with him- not because he had anything against a one time tryst to regain focus, but because Anders didn't want it to be one night only. In truth, he doubted he'd only want an isolated fling to begin with. To think otherwise was deluding himself. 

Fenris tossed and turned when he slept without concern for his bed guest. He hated how drawn to Anders he was, how he couldn't help feeling attached to him in some way. Hawke's friends were Fenris's responsibility. That and Anders and he protected each other on the battlefield constantly. They'd be a decent couple if Fenris didn't despise him on principle. 

Dawn arrived on Fenris's home, his eyes opening once his internal clock ticked over to morning. He tried to move but he was holding something warm. Fenris looked down to see Anders's blond head tucked peacefully under his chin, his body cuddled up against Fenris's chest. 

Oh no.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely feedback! I hope to deliver on these two together :D

Well, shit.

Fenris could run. He could phase through both the bed and Anders and pretend this never happened- but they were trying to diffuse their excess energy, right? The sleeping mage in his arms was warm and cuddly, and Fenris decided to not hold back.

"Anders."

Anders stirred and shifted, clearly not awake yet. He snuggled close to Fenris's body heat and the elf stroked his hair. This didn't feel like the morning after hate sex- but he'd have to hate him for it to have been hate sex. Maybe it was just sex. Maybe Anders wanted something more too.

Fenris groaned. He didn't know if HE even wanted more.

"Hm?" Anders opened his eyes and looked up, adorable in his short lived bliss. "Oh. Oh no. Listen, I swear I-"

"Wait." Anders tried to roll away but he stayed. Fenris swallowed. "You're already here, why waste another opprotunity?"

Anders grinned lazily. "Here I was, imagining you might be upset I left scratch marks all over your dining table."

Fenris took that as an invitation to kiss Anders, gentler than before. He held his cheek, rolled Anders onto his back, and kicked their sheets off. "Hmmmm, you think I'd be upset, mage?" Fenris trailed a hand down Anders's chest and moved to kiss his jaw, voice low in hopes of hitting Anders's admitted weakness. "I want you to scratch, break, and ruin every piece of furniture possible in this mansion so if Danarius ever sees it, I'll tell him a mage got fucked so hard by an elf he begged and cried for more."

"FENRIS." Anders kissed him hard, hands splayed on his back and roving his skin, squirming with need. The touches coursed through his nerves and Fenris gasped. He kept himself isolated and his lyrium skin untouched and those caresses sent waves of sensation through him. He couldn't decide if it was good or bad- but right then he leaned towards good. "Maker, you're dirty."

"Hmmm, says the human who waltzed in and declared he wanted sex with me." Fenris palmed his hand even lower and decided to truly give Anders a treat. He wrapped his hand around Anders's half hard arousal and continued talking huskily in his ear, delighting in the moans pouring from the mage's throat. "That's it, you're going to look at me from now on knowing my voice in your ear makes you come apart." Fenris pumped his wrist and Anders tried to return the favor but Fenris smacked his hand away. "Close your eyes, mage, think about how good this feels-"

"Aaauh, Fenris-"

How much did Anders like his voice? Fenris bit Anders's neck and Anders gasped, rolling his hips up. "Good boy," purred Fenris, entirely too satisfied when Anders spasmed with a soft cry and came. 

Anders panted and kissed Fenris, breathless and eager to play with his hair, a crime Fenris forgave in favor of what Anders said next. "Let me suck you off." 

"I appreciate the sentiment, but what's in it for you?" 

Anders kissed Fenris deeply, hands on his shoulders and sliding down to his chest and sides. "Satisfaction of a job well done, of course. Plus showing off my prowess in bed."

Anders's kisses were soft but backed with intent, growing more passionate with every suck and brush of their tongues. Fenris still straddled his lap, petting his skin and humming as his lyrium coursed satisfaction and light pleasure through him. "Are you using magic?"

"Hm? No?"

"Ah. It seems you can touch me without hurting me." Fenris wondered if maybe Danarius and other magisters had hurt him on purpose and all the lyrium did was slightly amplify the affect. It was too much to think about. 

"Good." Anders gently guided Fenris back on the bed, still kissing him as he tugged his underwater off. He eyed Fenris's skin and white patterns and resisted kissing every inch of him, moving down and focusing on pleasuring the elf. Fenris bucked into Anders's mouth and Anders eagerly swallowed him, enthusiastically altering between drawing his head up and down or just sucking and teasing his tip.

"Fuck." Fenris hissed and came, fingers clenching the sheets and gasping for breath. Anders still managed to look smug, smirking and licking his lips as Fenris's posture turned dismissive.

"What? Am I no longer a good boy?"

"You're a boy who should leave my house."

Anders laughed, unbothered by the first typical Fenris behavior all morning. "Right right, okay." He washed himself as best he could and dressed, Fenris doing the same and neither acting like the other was there. "If I'm going to gouge more claw marks into your furniture, it means I'm coming back sometime?"

Fenris couldn't put his feelings into words. He'd enjoyed every second of their time together, gentle and rough. He liked Anders's stupid cocky grin, his laugh, his blond hair- ugh too much of him was likable. They weren't here to like each other, but Fenris did. He didn't speak his heart to anyone except perhaps Hawke. He agreed to this thinking he only felt Anders was physically appealing. Whatever he felt was swirling around inside in a puzzling frenzy; he didn't know if he wanted to kiss Anders or punch him in his adorable face. "You're such a blond- yes you're coming back!" snapped Fenris. 

Anders beamed at him. He practically skipped out of Fenris's mansion, relaxed and more focused than he'd been in weeks. Hightown had never had such fresh air or beautiful sunshine. His body and spirit were rested and in thinking of Fenris he couldn't help feeling affection and fondness for the elf. 

"This isn't helping your distraction with him. It's worse," complained Justice in Anders's head. "He's a direct obstacle to our goal."

"Oh come on," said Anders aloud. "He and I have Hawke in common, and you don't dispute Hawke is a good man and fine mage." Anders chuckled to himself. "And I'm MUCH better- if my healing could make anyone feel half as fantastic as my gymnastics with Fenris, I'd be the greatest healer in Thedas!"

Anders could almost feel the spirit grimace. "Please do not engage in any primal activities in the name of healing."

-~

Instead of bickering, silence fell between them. Anders went out of his way to talk to anyone but Fenris, and Fenris did the same. They could walk side by side behind Hawke and not let a bitter remark slide between them. 

Fenris wanted to tell Anders it was too much- but he didn't. It was a gift to have intimacy with someone, anyone of his own free will who was so charismatic, giving, playful. Part of him worried his emotions weren't real, that he only wanted to express affection and care for Anders because of sex. Instead he busied himself with talking to Aveline about battle techniques. 

Anders assumed Fenris was brooding in his direction as per his habit and happily ignored it to listen to Isabela's chatter. It was a beautiful day to wander Kirkwall and murder criminals worse than them in alleyways.

Such as slavers in Darktown- Justice always sent a bolt of adrenaline right through Anders's spine whenever they came across slavers and Anders shouted a warning, watching the group spring into action. It was difficult to tell who in their group hated slavers more. 

Fenris darted literally in and out of their enemies, his sword and sharp gauntlets whirling as he danced around, lyrium glowing bright blue. He was almost invincible until an enemy strike slashed as his ghostly flesh became corporeal again and the blade embedded itself in his exposed bicep. Fenris cried out in agony and lashed out with a devastating swing of his great sword on the last slaver. 

"Fenris!" Hawke rushed forward with a potion and Anders ran to his side, examining Fenris's wound as Aveline stood guard. Isabela happily looted the bodies.

"I'm. Fine." Fenris was pale and clenching his teeth, eyes screwed shut as he yanked the blade out. "AUGH!"

Anders immediately pressed his hand on Fenris's suddenly bleeding wound and channeled healing magic. "Breathe," he soothed. Fenris was in too much pain to sneak, which worried Anders even more. "Rest."

Fenris didn't argue. He breathed deeply and his lyrium flickered below his elbow, eventually glowing evenly. The pain faded and he groaned, his arm stiff but healed. Anders kept his hand on Fenris's arm, the other hand resting on his shoulder as he worked to let the wound fully heal. "Thanks."

"Be more careful," scolded Anders.

"Then there won't be anyone with a big sword to protect you!" snapped Fenris.

"Ooooh, Fenris's big sword," teased Isabela. "Could listen to him about it all day."

Something inside Anders, even long before Justice, always had to be right and be a smartass. "It's not especially big- but still impressive."

Fenris kicked Anders hard in the shin as Hawke and Aveline stared and Isabela's face lit up with glee. "Tell me ALL about it!"

Fenris's cover was blown. Completely blown. They knew, they all had to know, but he lied anyway. You know. Like a liar. "Anders healed a wound to my thigh and took my pants off- happy?!"

Isabela shook her head and laughed. Anders decided to join in and defend their exposed position. "It's true! He was walking funny afterwards."

Hawke groaned. "Oh Maker, I'm calling it a day."

Isabela smirked at Fenris and Anders. "Huh, I'd think Anders would be the one walking funny. Guess I can be wrong sometimes."

"I have NOT slept with Anders!" snarled Fenris. He stormed off as Anders and Isabela had a shouting match over how she was supposed to collect a bet from Varric about Fenris's love life.

-~-

"I slept with Anders," confessed Fenris. He and Hawke sat across from each other at Fenris's table. Hawke tactfully didn't comment about the shallow grooved scratches embedded in the wood finish.

Hawke didn't press or tease. "It's alright. Why are you so upset if we know?"

Fenris looked away. "It doesn't just feel physical, and a mere day after it happens I won't have peace about it."

Hawke nodded. For Fenris, he was the only person he could speak his mind to, even if Fenris apologetic for taking up Hawke's time. "You shouldn't keep yourself from being happy."

"But he's... Anders."

"Have you two ever spent real time together without passion and wrath clouding your judgement? The rest of us aren't surprised that two people who fundamentally care about each other would want to sleep together with heat between them. You like me well enough and I'm a mage."

Fenris pondered it. "You respect me."

"Obviously if the two of you want to be together, it'll take work. All relationships do." 

Fenris shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Ah, the root of his troubles. "I don't know how."

Hawke reached out and held Fenris's hand. Fenris made eye contact again and Hawke's steady demeanor reassured him. Andraste, he trusted Hawke with his life. "You know what happened to Karl, what's happened to Anders. He's a sweet, caring guy with a heart as complicated as yours. You're not flawed for being torn or confused. I don't think Anders as a free man could take a lover and not adore them in some way- even if the core reason is how you make his blood pressure spike."

Fenris chuckled, his spirit lighter already. "Okay. I'll believe you. All I wish is that Isabela would quit trying to cash in on a bet and pestering us."

"Oh not just Isabela- Merrill is curious too now, and Varric is calling Isabela a liar worse than himself." Hawke smirked and his fingertips traced the scratches on the table. "I don't think you want to break it off. Looks like you two had FAR too much fun!"

The pillow Fenris threw at Hawke might've missed, but it was well deserved. "Fine- we'll spend time together like normal people! No sex, no combat, no bickering at each other over politics."

-~-

The next time Fenris saw Anders at The Hanged Man Anders looked so frustrated and fuming that the look he gave Fenris was a clear suggestion of what he needed. They took to a vacant closet with a slam of the door and Anders kissed Fenris hotly, shaking and passionate and guiding Fenris's hands to pull his mage robes up.

That no sex thing was going to have to wait.


	3. Chapter 3

Anders's legs were wrapped tightly around Fenris's waist as he bit his own hand to stifle his moans, shoved into a closet in The Hanged Man with Fenris up his mage skirts. His head was thrown back, hair wild as Fenris supported his body and thrust hard, panting and keeping Anders pinned as he rammed his sweet spots.

Fenris had a thing for seeing Anders so disheveled and uncomposed- he seemed to be developing an alarming number of Things he liked about Anders. The only clothes they were missing were Fenris's gauntlets and smallclothes they'd yanked off or out of the way. Sweat ran down his face and he knew this needed to be over quickly before some poor unfortunate soul needed the closet. He pushed a hand under Anders's robes and wrapped it around his arousal, not caring that it was going to be messy. He stroked harshly as he continued his thrusts, proud of Anders's barely muffled cries of pleasure. 

The thrilling risk of getting caught and doing such an act fully clothed had Fenris close. He briefly paused to tug Anders's hand out of his mouth and kissed him greedily, grunting as Anders hung on desperately and thunked his head against the corner of the cramped space. Their teeth clashed together and Anders's light stubble scratched his cheek and Fenris angled his head to kiss as deeply as possible, groaning as he came and Anders followed. 

The entire interaction had taken what felt like less than five minutes. Footsteps sounded down the hall and Anders, an expert in having sex in such a way, hurriedly straightened his gear and pecked Fenris's lips before slipping out. "Thank you," he breathed.

Fenris waited, catching his breath as the footsteps faded. He smoothed his hair and pulled his gauntlets on. He should've felt ashamed or upset it was so short, but it was their most intense bout of stress relief yet. 

"Maker, he's a bad influence." Fenris grinned to himself and left, dreading their friends' knowing stares no matter how adamantly he denied it.

-~-

Of all people to get on him about Fenris, Anders didn't expect it to be Merrill.

"So- have you given him any Bonding presents?"

Anders sorted herbs out on his clinic table, startled by Merrill's question. She'd agreed to help him gather Elfroot and Embrium for his healing potions and handmade poultices. He raised his eyebrows at her. "Who?"

Merrill giggled. "Fenris!"

"Oh for- we're not together! Isabela just-"

"Is Justice okay with you lying?"

Justice spoke up in Anders's head as he groaned. "She's right- I don't like lying."

"What are you, a spirit of Truth?" snapped Anders aloud. He sighed. "Alright Merrill, we've slept together but it makes Fenris uncomfortable that anyone knows, okay?"

Merrill nodded. She neatly trimmed Elfroot stems as they talked. "But you should still get him presents- oh! Fenris loves wine!"

"It's not like that. It's not romantic."

"Fenris likes you!" 

"Are you joking? He can't stand me."

Merrill frowned. "Couples can fight a lot, but he still likes you. He smiles when he looks at you and you're not looking and makes the cutest face when Isabela teases him! It's so funny!"

"Merrill- ugh. We're not a couple!"

The elf shook her head. Anders was sure he could convince her, but apparently not. "Fenris won't get close to anyone like he does for you and Hawke. It's special. You're probably hurting his feelings by not wanting to Bond him!"

Anders chopped up herbs too harshly. "Merrill. We're not Dalish. Don't you elves have casual sex? Ever? Where it's physical and means nothing?"

"Oh yes! But when it's that everyone knows. If it matters no one is supposed to know, see?"

"Look, for the last time, we're not a couple! Fenris can't wait to get me to shut up! He hates mages and it's a wonder he let me in his house at all!" 

Merrill sighed dramatically. Anders didn't want to admit that he'd love to give Fenris a gift but had no idea what. He'd enjoy being able to date and court a lover openly if Fenris didn't despise him, which he obviously did. "If you wooed him better he'd like you more! I never wanted to Bond the boys who were all about sneaking into the woods out of earshot of camp and never wanted to court properly or eat dinner together. It was all about sex and how many halla pretty girls from other clans might be worth."

"I'm begging you to listen! He doesn't want me."

There was a knock on the door and Anders was startled to see Varric walk in without any visible injuries. "Blondie, Daisy."

"Hello!" beamed Merrill.

Anders put his hands on his hips. "Fenris and I aren't dating or together or anything else!"

Varric grinned. "Course not, Blondie. I heard Daisy was here and thought to tell you you'd do good to not get any white haired elfy love interest of yours flowers. The hypothetical lover in mind would be most appreciative of tokens of affection that are useful or delicious. Just my professional personality judgement."

Varric was right but Anders didn't want to hear it. "Is this going in your book?! Is that your motive, dwarf?!"

"Now now, the sounds from the room closet the other day could've been anyone- I'm not assigning names to the background din of my favorite tavern. I'm just here for your personal well being. A gift has to count. Trust me."

Anders ran his hands down his face. Fenris's voice, catlike eyes and snowy hair had been in his dreams lately. It'd been a week since he proposed they sleep together and now he was legitimately falling for the man most likely to hate his guts forever. "I want to see Fenris happy- and that means not pushing myself on him when I know he doesn't care about me! Anyone who knows me would be barking mad to date me, especially him!"

Varric laughed. "Oh poor Blondie, is anyone in love ever not barking mad at some point?"

-~-

Fenris was sure he was going mad. He darted in and out of shadowy alleys in Darktown, trusting his instincts and keeping alert. His years on the run taught the warrior how to go rogue, and he was rewarded as he slipped inside Anders's clinic and locked the door. "Anders?" he softly called.

"Hnnnnnng?" Anders stumbled out of the back of the clinic with a potion in his hand, so groggy Fenris couldn't tell if he'd just woken him up or if Anders hadn't slept in a day or two. "Patient? Oh, Fenris."

"Are you alright?" Fenris didn't think it's been that late. "It's barely 8pm."

"Is it?" Anders set the potion down and attempted a smile. "I've been on call for the clinic and writing for hours, it's the eyestrain, you know?" Tension hung in the air between them. Last time they'd been together only about five words had been exchanged, maximum. "So uh, you want to-"

"I want to talk." Fenris shifted and glanced over his shoulder, a habit he couldn't shake. "I think it's best we be out to our friends about sleeping together. They know already, and I told Hawke directly. It's stupid to lie about it."

Anders had expected a complete halt to their relationship and was startled. As far as he knew Fenris was ashamed of him. "Yes- yes I'd like that. Makes sense after Isabela let the cat out of the bag."

Fenris nodded, almost smiling. "That, and I don't think we have to be pissed off to be together." His face twisted as he chose his words. "We can just be? I- I sound like an idiot. You had specific things you wanted, and-"

"No! No it's good. I agree." Anders moved close to Fenris, daring to hope this could mean more. "Being with you is even better than I imagined. Like you said we can just, you know, be."

Fenris wanted to blurt out that he wanted to get to truly know Anders. He saw how Hawke adored Merrill and wanted someone to show love to. He wanted to know what romance felt like. He'd been owned and locked away his whole life within his memory and he craved so much more than only seeing Anders in bed, but this would do. It'd have to do. "Yes. So just, you know, when the mood is right."

Anders still didn't dare push for more. He didn't think about how Fenris would light up if he gave him something special, or perhaps literally light up if he fucked up on gift giving. He held Fenris's hips and kissed him, soft and sweet. "Is now a good time? We don't have to be quiet."

"Now is good," confirmed Fenris. He let Anders lead the kiss and he slid his hands up to Anders's hair. He undid the ponytail and Anders sighed, pressing against Fenris with a soft rock of his hips. "Mage."

"Hm?"

"I resent that you told everyone I'm only of average size."

Anders burst into laughter, relief flooding him as Fenris laughed too. "I'm sorry, but I had to- Justice is very against lying."

"Then maybe you need another reminder of exactly how I feel inside you." Fenris grinned and purposely messed up Anders's hair, already imagining how he'd look an hour from then.

"I believe a refresher is in order, yes."

Fenris finally bedded Anders in a bed. He pressed Anders's back into the mattress of his cot and kissed him, mouths only parting to hiss or gasp. His pace was steady and gentle, taking care that Anders felt every brush against his nerves. His blankets were a mess under them and the cot creaked but Fenris didn't care. He focused his attention on Anders and keeping his mouth occupied, swallowing his moans and sighs.

Anders relished every kiss and touch but yearned for more, pushing up and mewing for Fenris to speed up. He was hard and sensitive, just needing more aggression to finish. "Fenris- please!"

Fenris's eyes glinted knowingly, thrusting harder with a jab only once before being gentle again. "What, mage?"

"Augh- stop with the edging!"

Fenris purred by Anders's ear. "Grey Warden stamina, correct? How long can I keep easing into you before your body is forced to come untouched? Or not at all?"

Anders's toes curled and he moaned helplessly. Fenris marveled at how loud he was in bed for someone who claimed to have secret sex under Templar watch. "If you're going to play with me, then use your hands!"

Fenris kissed Anders again, still making love with a steady rhythm. He toyed with Anders's nipples, pressing and lightly twisting to make him squirm under him, legs spreading wider and his chest arcing up. Anders's chest and sides were delightfully sensitive and responsive to Fenris's caresses and strokes, earning him shaky sighs and a deep blush across Anders's face. "You're so eager and sweet," murmured Fenris, giving Anders kisses along his jaw.

"You're- ah fuck!" Anders wrapped his legs around Fenris and crossed his ankles, trying to pick up the pace himself. 

"Hush- I don't want this to end so soon."

"Then don't let it- make me cum again!" demanded Anders. 

Fenris snapped his hips and Anders screamed, streams of 'yes yes yes!' falling from his lips as Fenris took him in hand and gave him an orgasm. He held back from finishing himself, groaning as Anders spasmed around him. 

Anders went pliant under Fenris but still reacted beautifully to his steady thrusts, occasionally jolting from oversensitivity and sighing with pure bliss, whining when Fenris marked his neck. Fenris thumbed at Anders's nipples again and watched as his cock twitched. "Enjoy that, do you?"

"Ah- yes. It's so much but it's so good-" Anders kissed Fenris shakily, whimpering and getting hard again. "You're everything I need, Fenris. I- I want to be yours. Yours anytime you want me, all yours. I just- I want you to feel as cherished as I do under you, even if- it's been such a short time but oh- oh Maker yes!" 

Fenris surprised even himself as he pounded into Anders, his lazy savored arousal suddenly mixed with adrenaline at Anders's confessions of... no, he didn't know. He stroked Anders to his second orgasm and watched as his eyes watered and he shrieked, climaxing almost painfully. Fenris finished and barely noticed, his heart pounding wildly. 

People talked in bed, said things they didn't mean but Anders seemed so sincere. It couldn't work but if it could, did Fenris even want it to? He cleaned them up as best he could and curled up with Anders, who was grinning with a hazy post orgasm look in his eyes. "If your thighs hurt in the morning, I have things to help with soreness."

Fenris rolled his eyes. His muscles were taxed, but no need to expose himself to magic. "It's yourself you should worry about."

"Hmmmm, yes you're very passionate." Anders seemed unconcerned with the emotions he'd thrown Fenris's way and snuggled up with him, petting Fenris's hair. "I'm sorry your bed is much more comfortable than this, what with a thousand threat count sheets and a huge mattress in Hightown."

Fenris swallowed. He held Anders and hoped his racing heart would be written off as the aftermath of sex. "No, it's alright here. I've slept on worse." 

Anders yawned and drifted to sleep, exhausted and peaceful. Fenris lay awake thinking of the words 'yours' and 'cherished' from Anders. It hadn't been quite two weeks and Fenris was scared.

Terrified.

Maybe they were moving too fast, or maybe he misunderstood Anders's bedroom talk for something real. He didn't like any of the options. Everything felt too much. He'd never been allowed to pick someone to care for and he didn't want to be overzealous or wrong. Fenris didn't even know what kind of heart he had, even less about wanting another person so close.

He tossed and turned and woke up in the most comfortable position possible- which was splayed on top of Anders himself with his head on Anders's chest. 

What was less comfortable was a bright light shining against his eyelids and someone gingerly shifting the blankets on top of them to cover their bodies. Fenris's eyes snapped open to see Prince Sebastian, chantry Brother, standing by the bed in his literally shining armor with a brave face and a slight blush.

"Hawke sent me to gather Anders and uh, I suppose you too, Fenris? I'm, uh. Yes. Hello. Haven't seen that much of anyone in ah... yeah."

Anders opened his eyes and tried to not laugh as Sebastian walked away. "Sorry, Brother!"

"No trouble! Please just put SOMETHING on!"

Fenris groaned and rubbed his eyes. "WHY did that just happen?!" he hissed.

Anders chuckled. "He's a rogue, and it IS a walk in clinic."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!! you guys are lovely


	4. Chapter 4

Anders didn't see Fenris for several days and counting after being walked in on the morning after by resident chantry brother Sebastian, who was more gracious about it than he imagined most chaste clergy would be. He tried not to fret, knowing Fenris was likely busy or needed time to himself. He tried not to imagine he'd scared him or somehow hurt him- he hadn't, right? Fenris certainly hadn't seemed pissed off and yet he kept himself isolated.

"Anders."

He groaned. He was grinding and mixing healing poultices with a mortar and pestle, trying to have some peace and quiet without the spirit in his head thinking at him. "Yes, Justice?"

"I don't understand how humans are so conditional day to day."

"Huh? How so?"

"Why do you write with more eloquence and work harder when the elf has recently used you for gymnastics?" Anders burst into laughter and Justice pressed on. "I don't see the correlation!"

"It's- oh Maker! Justice. This is too good- don't you inhabit my body too?"

"Yes, but the sensations between your legs shouldn't affect your mage manifesto. Explain it to me."

Anders giggled, reminded of the countless times the dwarf Oghren tried to ask Justice about his views on the horizontal hokey-pokies without ever outright calling it sex. "It's healthy, Justice. It's exercise and pleasure in one, and that's not even touching on how soothing it can be to be held and kissed. People have more energy when they're warm, well fed, relaxed, happy, and perhaps been to bed with someone. My head is clearer, although you might disagree."

Justice considered it seriously. "It isn't anger but well being that affects your energy? Your devotion and drive?"

"Well- it's both. Can't believe you Fade beings don't understand sleep and food and touch. Quality of life affects quality of everything. You do know you've been backseat driving in a HEALER'S head and learned absolutely nothing about my physical and emotional needs?"

Justice seemed to be thinking very hard. Spirits generally didn't like considering their point of view in need of change, even with such simple things as "sleep is medically NECESSARY TO LIVE". Anders realized that Justice only read his righteous anger as useful up to that second, and never other feelings of joy or mirth as anything but passing distractions. 

"I apologize for misjudging your needs. I make it a point to not misjudge. I've only ever been one thing. I am blind to anything beyond morality and action."

"Well, I guess when you're a spirit who can opt out of sharing my taste buds delicious spices and hot meals don't mean much."

Justice shifted in Anders's mind, like he was about to make a profound declaration. "If your physical desires affect your mind and quality of health in this way, then I approve of Fenris and request you allow him access to you at least twice weekly."

Anders's hand slipped and his mortar and pestle clattered to the table and dumped his herbal mix everywhere. Anders pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes and spluttered. "WHAT?! Did you just- oh my GOD-"

"I fully approve of the elf. His physical routines regarding your body's libido have drawn out a much more effective and persuasive vocabulary in your writings. Perhaps not only his physique but his resistance against his own oppression is inspiring."

"Noooo no no no! Even /I/ don't fully approve of the elf! Fenris-"

"Judging by your efficiency levels and mood, he's most beneficial to you approximately every few days, although there were no negative side effects for having sessions closer than that. Perhaps he has need for more frequent bouts with you and would be agreeable to you servicing him thrice weekly. Why is your face so noticeably heated?"

"We're done. We're so done. First I was and still am the center of hot gossip in all of Hawke's friend circle, and now YOU'RE trying to PRESCRIBE me sex at routine intervals each week!"

Justice was confused again. "Schedules are good, are they not? They are a constant."

"Not for this! It isn't how it works!"

"Isabela sees an elf woman every Thursday at 8pm. Humans do well to schedule appointments."

"Fenris would be ghastly offended if I acted like he was a sex worker to schedule times with. I'll try to spend more time with him when he's sociable again, okay? I'll send something over to cheer the broody bastard up."

"Agreed."

"Then are you done?"

"No." Maker, Justice really was bluntly honest all the blasted time. "I inhabit you, yet you're reluctant to discuss this development with me. Why? Openness is key to our existence."

Anders sighed heavily. "Aren't there perhaps spirits of Embarrassment in the Fade for you to understand this?"

A rare laugh emerged from Justice's consciousness. "They never appear to anyone."

-~-

Fenris didn't remember painting his floor wine bottle green, but upon focusing his eyes he realized that it was simply more of the floor was covered in bottles where he was slumped against the bed than there was visible floor. He groaned and leaned his pounding head back against the bed frame with a sigh.

What was the use of blacking out drunk if he didn't wake up with any new insights? He'd made a hasty retreat, frightened of how Anders possibly felt for him. He lay low and tried to reason out his emotions, drinking and working out and sleeping the rest of the days away, frustrated and desperate to stay hidden away. Even despite his impressive fortitude, the idea of another drop of wine made his head spin. 

He wanted Anders- a mage.

It couldn't be.

Fenris wasn't one to cry, even in physical agony he focused more on wrath than the pure spiritual pain. He bent his head forward against his knees, curled into his chest. A soft sob escaped him and he burst into tears, hiding his face. All he wanted was to try and be happy, and the horrors of the only life he'd known followed him all the way to Anders's arms. He didn't know anything about love. Fenris only knew having agency and power taken from him- an ability Anders undoubtedly had. A fucking mage who in heated moments, bragged about how wonderful it must be to be a magister in Tevinter.

Was he so stupid as to care for someone only out to hurt him or was it paranoia and fear that kept him alone? Fenris didn't know. Neither option led to happiness. 

A familiar knock rang out on the door and Fenris tensed for a split second and immediately relaxed as his ears twitched from the footsteps. Hawke. 

"Fenris? Hello?" Hawke opened the door to Fenris's room and in with him was the heavenly aroma of apples and cinnamon. "Oh, Fenris."

With anyone else, Fenris would consider attacking them until they left, but Hawke he could trust. Especially with a tray of something smelling so enticing. He lifted his head and Hawke set the glass pan down on the bed and slid next to Fenris, putting an arm around his shoulders. "Who do I need to kill?"

Fenris sniffled. "No one I couldn't kill myself."

"Is this about Anders? Can you talk about it?"

Fenris hadn't seen anyone in days and Hawke's warm presence at his side calmed him. He closed his eyes. "I'm scared of Anders." His voice was barely a deep scraping croak. "Not that I couldn't rip his body to shreds, but of what he's doing to me. If- if I give myself to a mage, or to anyone at this point, I'm terrified I'll do the wrong thing or let myself be owned. I don't want to enslave myself to someone or let him get too close and- and I don't know." 

"Being in a vulnerable position is frightening."

"Hawke, what do I do?!" Fenris wiped his eyes. "Anders confessed wanting to be mine and how he wants me to feel cherished. When I'm holding him I feel protective and I want to touch him and see him smile. It feels unreal. I can't help feeling I'm being set up. Manipulated. Why- why do I care about him?! Is it even real?"

Hawke squeezed Fenris's shoulder. "There's a lot going on here, and I understand how overwhelming it can be. I've fucked up a lot of relationships back in Ferelden. I have regrets, but I'd never want to take back caring for someone. I'm pretty sure Anders doesn't have any ill intentions towards you, Fenris. If anything he's worried he drove you away. Anders, Merrill, and Sebastian baked that apple crisp because Anders wanted to do something nice for you and Sebastian was trying to teach Merrill about human food."

"Anders did?" Fenris inhaled deeply and his stomach gnawed with hunger. "But he sent you here with it?"

"Well, he didn't know what kind of mood you were in. What if you never wanted to see him again? He thought he must've upset you. The man doesn't have a death wish."

"Oh." Fenris shrugged. "I should've just talked to him."

"It's alright."

"I don't think any of this is alright."

Hawke leaned over close so their heads were together, still holding Fenris's shoulders. "You're one of my best friends, Fenris. I love you. I love you and I swear on my life I'll never let someone abuse you ever again."

Fenris wilted. "Because I can't tell if I'm being used or mistreated. Because you're a mage and I have to trust one of you will be decent."

"No. It's because people need their friends to care about them and watch their backs no matter where they came from or who they are." Hawke stood up and held out the warm pan of apple crisp. "Now, our lovers were very sweet in almost setting my house on fire. Merrill didn't get cinnamon on her nose for us to not eat this." 

The apples made Fenris's mouth water and he wiped his eyes for the final time, sitting next to Hawke on the bed and the two of them diving into the most divine thing Fenris had ever tasted. The dessert was gone in under a minute and Fenris smiled, sighing with contentment and pure bliss as he licked his lips. "Good. Good yes good."

"Same." Hawke finished his bite and they sat together in comfortable silence. "How're your reading lessons going?"

"I don't have to pause as much, but it's still slow going," admitted Fenris. "My penmanship is even worse." 

"I've got time."

-~-

Anders was relieved to see Fenris again the next day. Fenris nodded at him and their hands brushed together as they walked side by side. They traveled through Lowtown with Hawke, running errands and adding more tasks to their endless roster. Isabela and Merrill trailed behind them and Anders couldn't keep quiet. 

"Isabela, why on earth did you place a bet on Fenris and I?"

Isabela grinned. "I wanted to sleep with him, so I decided any outcome he had would be to my advantage. To always winning!"

"Wait you- but why would you bet on ME versus yourself?!"

"It's simple- if I slept with Fenris, that's a win. If he slept with Hawke, I have endless teasing ammunition to throw at Hawke. So then to make you sleeping with him beneficial, I put a small bet on it so tada! I'm pleased with any choice Fenris makes." 

Anders expected Fenris to be mortified, offended at the very least, but he just huffed with a smile. "I'm flattered- why did you want to sleep with me? Anders has given me a taste for hearing compliments about myself."

Hawke snorted and Anders blushed as Isabela spoke. "Lanky, pretty eyes, elfy, magical fisting, angsty haircut, enjoys a strong drink- need I go on? Anders is unfairly lucky."

Merrill had a curious look that filled Anders with anxiety. "What about Anders? Why not sleep with him? He's cute."

"Hello?????" squeaked Hawke with mock alarm.

Isabela playfully smacked Anders's butt. He grinned at her and then realized he should probably have protested until he saw the amusement in Fenris's eyes. Bratty elf had a soft spot for Isabela. "Been there, done that. The electricity trick was nice and Anders is- oh I'll let him have some privacy. Very good, but not my type. I prefer real gold to the stuff on your head."

"Um, thank you? I guess?"

Merrill thought for a moment. "Why not bet Fenris would sleep with me?" Fenris turned and gave Merrill such a withering look she giggled. "Oh yes, sorry. We get along very poorly."

Isabela flung an arm around Merrill. "9 AM on a Tuesday, care to go drinking after Hawke's done showing his junk to every shopkeep in Kirkwall?"

Merrill's giggles were infectious and Anders couldn't help laughing. Fenris tried to keep a straight face but a low chuckle escaped him. Hawke turned around with an attempt at a scathing glare. "I can't take any of you lot ANYWHERE!" 

In the midst of the group's laughter, Fenris leaned to whisper to Anders, "My place, tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We got smut. We got angst. We got fluff. We got it all!

Fenris greeted Anders with a, "Hello" only because it seemed rude not to, and promptly kissed him and dragged him into the nearest room.

Anders went right along with it. Fenris was gentle, kissing Anders softly, mouths barely parting as they held each other on what Fenris hoped was a sturdy desk in one of the mansion's studies. Fenris's armor was already off and he worked to untie Anders's mantle from his shoulders. Anders hummed and pulled back to peck Fenris's lips. "Hello to you too."

"I was hoping you'd help me determine the structural integrity of his desk. Not sure if I want to keep it or not."

Anders laughed, his eyes sparkling as he kissed Fenris's neck. "You know me, I'm very helpful." His lips buzzed lightly as he made contact with the lyrium carved into Fenris. The flash of blue and gasp from Fenris made him pull back. "Good?"

"Hmmm. Yes." Fenris welcomed every touch and relaxed under Anders's tongue. The lyrium almost overwhelmed him, but the pleasure and gentleness of Anders's touch was worth it. Anders shoved his shirt off and kissed Fenris's collarbone, eyes flicking up to Fenris. 

It took effort to trust anyone. Especially- well, he didn't want to list the things about Anders he couldn't stand. It'd take too long. The emotional bond he never thought sex could conjure only kept growing, pulling him closer and wanting things he didn't have words for. 

Fenris gave in and leaned back, resting on the wood and pleased that Anders followed. His lyrium sent sensations swirling through his nerves, his breaths staggering with passes of Ander's tongue over the veins. Anders straddled him on his knees and Fenris groaned with appreciation as Anders lightly grazed his teeth over a sensitive spot. Anders's fingertips traced over Fenris's skin, palms petting and caressing his chest and sides lower and lower until Fenris was blushing to the tips of his ears.

"I see why you enjoy being under someone else."

Anders grinned and kissed down Fenris's stomach. "I take that as a compliment." He tugged at Fenris's reinforced tights and Fenris could see where this was going.

"This isn't what I had in mind."

Anders looked up. "Should I stop?"

Fenris smirked. "No."

Anders chuckled and kissed Fenris's exposed hip bones, tongue spoiling his markings. One hand stroked Fenris to full hardness and his other reached under his robes, presumably performing the same act. 

"You're wearing too many clothes," complained Fenris. His kicked his pants fully off and waited as Anders threw off his robes, smallclothes, socks, and boots. "Hurry up."

"It'll be worth it." Anders as a prideful man refused to have sex with socks on and hurriedly threw them off into the corner of the room. He got back on the desk lithely, immediately grasping Fenris's thighs and bending his head, sucking on his tip and fuck, AGAIN with looking Fenris in the eyes as he did.

Fenris grabbed Anders's hair and rocked his hips, groaning and toes curling as he guided Anders's hot mouth up and down, drawing sweet pulses of heat through his body. Being sucked off by a mage on some old magister's desk while the sun was still barely in the sky drew a sudden laugh from Fenris and he came, groaning and pulling Anders's hair as his other hand clawed the desk. 

Anders let Fenris pop out of his mouth, pleased and debauched as he leaned into Fenris's hand. "You're gorgeous, Fenris."

Fenris sat up and kissed Anders, ignoring his own taste and pressing against him until they were both standing. He shoved Anders against a wall with a satisfying thunk as an askew picture frame clattered to the floor. He took Anders in his hand and pumped his wrist, aggressive in his kissses. "Come on mage, weren't you thinking about this all day? Letting me play with you as I please, giving you kisses and touches you crave? I have all night- if you think you can manage." 

"Fuck." Anders moaned and drew in a sharp breath, coming and shaking. Fenris kissed his neck and nuzzled him, the affection surprising Anders. "You're so cuddly after sex, huh?"

Fenris rolled his eyes. "Let's talk in bed."

Anders found it oddly natural how their bodies fit together in bed, curled up side by side propped on pillows. Fenris rested his head on Anders's shoulder and Anders kissed the top of his head as Fenris pulled blankets over them. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

"I appreciate the apple pastry you sent with Hawke. It was the best thing I've ever eaten."

Anders idly stroked the patterns on Fenris's shoulder. "Oh, good. If there were any clumps of pure burnt cinnamon, blame Merrill."

"It was perfect." Fenris found Anders's chest rising and falling with deep breaths calming against his ear. "Thank you."

Justice was mumbling something about Fenris in Anders's mind and he tried to ignore him and focus on just Fenris. It was peaceful. Relaxing. It was exactly what Anders needed to feel refreshed and cared for. "Tell him I approve," said Justice.

'No,' Anders mentally replied. 'He's at peace. Mention of you will upset him.'

"I'm a third party in your relationship if you want it or not. It already troubles him."

Anders sighed. "Fenris, Justice wants me to tell you something."

Fenris tensed as Anders thought he would. The swirling lyrium glowed threateningly. "What, demon?"

"He heartily approves of your effects on me, and finds your resistance against slavers inspiring."

Fenris paused. He narrowed his eyes at Anders, ears laid back. "Your sarcasm usually sounds much more biting."

"You think I'm making it up?" Anders groaned. The peace was gone, and now he wanted the evening to go back to how it was. "I just about lost it when he told me- 'I approve of Fenris and request you allow him access to you at least twice weekly', like he's prescribing me a few walks in the park, or a nightly herbal concoction!"

Fenris snorted. He abruptly stood up, tied the blanket around his waist, and grabbed his biggest sword. "Have him tell me himself."

Anders shrunk back. A half naked Fenris with glowing lyrium brands and a sword almost as tall as himself was almost more intimidating than Fenris in his armor. "Stop it! Fenris, neither of us want to hurt you-"

"Prove it." Fenris leveled his sword at him.

Anders looked pained before his eyes glowed blue and bright veins spread all over his body like volcanic cracks. Justice didn't move except to cock his head at Fenris. "You're scaring Anders. I mean you no harm, elf."

"Lots of demons act nice and caring first," growled Fenris. "What are your intentions with me? With us?"

"You view Anders's joining with me as unnatural," commented Justice in his deep voice. "We both agree. We do our best to function as one, but it is unconventional at best."

Fenris tightened his grip on the sword. "Anders said you approve of me. Why?"

Justice nodded. "Anders has been trying to teach me balance. Temperance. It is against my natural state. It is for his well being, and now for mine. Your physical contact with him brings focus, rest, serenity. Healing, it seems. I have difficulty understanding these things, but can observe their effects. You are good for him. That is proven to be absolute."

Fenris was at a complete loss. He lowered his weapon but still held it. "That is... unexpected of you."

"I wish for nothing from you but what you already give to Anders."

Fenris grit his teeth. "I was aware this would be complicated. There must be something more, or you'd give him license to take Isabela, the entire Red Lantern District, and Isabela again. There's something you or your mage wants from me. There's always something with mages and demons!"

Justice's glowing eyes flickered as though Anders was trying to take back control, but Justice kept talking, calming explaining his point like it was a debate. "It is incredibly damaging for Anders to spend too much time alone after what the Templars did to him. You are a consistent lover who protects him, unlike people Anders used to be tempted by. The Circles we fight against prohibit love and consensual contact. I will do no such act to Anders in your care." Justice's glow almost shrank all the way back as Fenris stared blankly at them. "Anders lo-"

Anders's head slammed back and the glowing stopped. "Stupid fucking piece of shit spirit! I'm never letting him speak again! If I wanted to blurt out my goddamn autobiography-"

"It's- it's alright-"

"Get out!" Anders screamed. It was difficult to tell if he was shouting at Fenris or Justice. He hid his beet red face away and burrowed himself in the blankets, shaking violently. 

Fenris was shell shocked. "Anders-"

"GO AWAY!"

"This is my house where I live-" Anders blindly threw a book from the floor at Fenris and he growled, getting the message. "Fine!" Fenris spun around and slammed the door, throat tightening. 

And Fenris had been worried about how Anders would react to the idea that he was starting to care for him. Anders seemed to be shouting aloud at Justice, even though it hadn't been a detailed revealing of his past. Fenris knew Anders had been at the very least traumatized by being put in a Circle as a child, and perhaps some of his protesting and claims of cruelty were true. 

Fenris considered bringing Anders a bottle of wine as a peace offering until he remembered Anders didn't drink anymore. He put a kettle of water on in his kitchen and dug around for tea leaves he almost never used. The soothing herbs steeped in hot water as he slipped on a tunic and pants. He added a generous amount of honey to the mug and padded upstairs, knocking on the door. "Anders?"

Some low mumble sounded from the bed.

"I can walk through walls, but this cup of tea can't. Please open the door."

Anders had gotten dressed in his tunic as well, eyes bloodshot and face even more drained than usual as he reluctantly let Fenris in his own bedroom. Fenris handed him the mug and half expected an outburst, but Anders accepted it graciously. "Maker, what you must think of me now. I'm so sorry. Justice and I normally don't quarrel like that- I mean he literally lives in my head so there's not much to fight about when we know each other's thoughts. I'm just, ah, fuck."

"It's not your fault." Fenris watched Anders take a sip of tea. "When I first met you lot I almost got all of you killed by slavers and mercenaries. By comparison Justice was much more approachable than I gave him credit for. I apologize for drawing a weapon on you. I was wrong."

Anders sighed. Fenris had never said 'I was wrong' to Anders in his entire life- it must've taken a heroic effort. "Thank you. I- I didn't want to open a can of worms. Justice was honest with you where I was reluctant to admit how much I've enjoyed your company. He gets it that I didn't necessarily consent to telling you all that, but it's what it is."

Fenris pulled up a chair and Anders sat back down on the bed. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I've actually been growing fond of you. It's an odd sensation, even odder to admit it. I'm actually relieved it's not one sided." 

Silence fell between them. Anders finished his tea and hummed. "Thank you."

"No problem. I drink far more wine than anything else on Thedas."

"I've always wondered what it's like to be a normal adult without-" Anders grimaced at himself, "-all this. Wake up in the morning, go to the bakery for breakfast, perhaps braid rope all day, have lunch at a tavern and come home to a sweet girl I've loved for years."

Fenris pondered it. "That sounds nice."

"Yeah."

"Boring as hell."

Anders chuckled. "Kirkwall is the last place that could ever happen."

"No kidding- I was worried when Hawke moved to Hightown. The sigh of relief I had when he came knocking and asking for help investigating a murder probably wasn't appropriate."

Anders grinned and swirled his cup around, looking in the bottom of it. "Do you read tea leaves? It looks like a hammer, or an axe."

Fenris glanced into the cup. "Looks like a dick. Could be an accurate forecast."

The two shared a laugh and indulged in more small talk. It was a wonder to have known and traveled with each other so long and never sat around and bitched about the weather, gossiped about Varric's novels, or argued about favorite foods. Fenris and Anders sat side by side on the bed, thighs touching and occasionally kissing or holding the other's hand, talking about absolutely nothing at all and having it mean everything. 

They were both men of action and passion- similar but still so far away. Fenris would still be Fenris, and Anders would still be Anders, but in Fenris's bedroom the elf and the mage were happy to share each other. 

Anders poked Fenris's foot with his own, feeling the callouses that were almost as impressive as the lyrium in his skin. "Fenris?"

"Yes?"

"Why the HELL do you go around barefoot all the time? You should wear shoes! This city is made of rocks and dirt and Maker knows what litter people throw in the street!"

Fenris was startled. "I genuinely don't think about it."

"Really?"

"I didn't wear shoes as a slave. I doubt I did as a free elf either, if I ever was such a thing." 

"That doesn't make any sense for city elves."

Fenris snorted. "City elves and Dalish elves don't make much sense to begin with. I suppose it'd be like wondering why all humans don't wear gloves all the time. You just don't."

"Do you know how many elves I've seen with infected wounds in their feet?! Shoes without soles! Or none at all! Merrill still won't wear hiking boots!"

Fenris shrugged. The lyrium glowed on his foot and he wiggled his toes. "If I get a splinter I'll just phase it out."

"Seems like a misuse of your abilities." 

"I haunt my own house, Anders. I use my abilities how I please." 

Anders reflected on how terrifying Fenris had been as a mostly naked man with glowing markings and an unnecessarily large sword. "Oh God- is that how you greet house invaders? Glowing elf with a greatsword and literally nothing else?!" 

"Looters don't call ahead with an RSVP, you know. The neighbors think I'm sort of a spirit of a tragic memory, trapped in this mansion until the magisters have atoned for their sins." Fenris grinned. "They're not entirely wrong." He dramatically flung his silver hair back from his face. "The Moonlight Ghost- vigilant and watchful, guardian of the past, waiting on an ancient Tevinter evil nemesis to return! Beware all who pry into the spirit's home!"

Anders giggled, enjoying it far too much. "Some neighbors bake cookies or invite others over for a cup of Antivan brew. You're an urban legend."

"It amuses me."

"Or you could meet people and be sociaaaaaaal~"

"Ew."

The evening tilted to nightfall, their bed position tilted to be more horizontal, and Anders proclaimed Fenris was a master of divination and gazing into the future by the sudden relevance of his tea leaf reading.

Fenris shut him up, but couldn't hide the smile Anders felt against his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments help me improve/stay motivated if you're so kind <3


	6. Chapter 6

Anders woke up in Fenris's arms, a smile on his face and complete serenity deep to his bones. Justice never slept and was already impatient, making Anders's foot twitch, as though he wanted to pace around.

'Coffee'," thought Justice at him.

Anders eyed Fenris's sleeping form next to him. His silver hair was enticingly soft, and Anders liked tracing the lyrium patterns on his body with his eyes, appreciating his slender, muscular form that was so docile as birds sang outside in Hightown.

'COFFEE.'

Anders sighed. Yes, coffee would be nice. Fenris actually had a sack of it imported from Antiva down in his kitchen. He carefully scooted out of Fenris's warm, cuddly embrace and the elf frowned in his sleep, eyes barely opening as annoyed slits. "Mage?"

"Good morning, sunshine. I saw you have an Orlesian press in the kitchen and some delightful coffee beans so-"

"Bed." Fenris tried to snuggle again and it took Justice's chanting for coffee and Anders's own desire for caffeine combined to martyr himself and shift away from Fenris's body and out of the blankets. 

Fenris legitimately growled at him and Anders huffed as the elf rolled facedown to where he'd been moments before. "God, you're a cat!"

"Uuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhmmmmmrrrrrrrrrrrrrfffffff." Fenris groaned loudly into the mattress, not moving an inch as Anders got dressed. 

"I'll make enough for you too!" Maker, Fenris hated being woken up in the morning. Anders grinned at his endearing, brooding lover and left him to grind beans and heat water for their coffee.

Fenris made it a point to sleep and drink as much as he pleased. His life had been owned by Danarius far too long for him to not indulge in freedom and irresponsible sleep schedules. He rubbed his eyes and scowled at the dawn sunlight streaming through the window, far too early for his tastes. 

Anders found Fenris kneeling in front of the window, shirtless as the lyrium glowed bright and dimmed again, slowly pulsing with his breathing. His hands rested on his thighs and while it didn't look like Anders's comfortable, Fenris's posture was straight but relaxed. His head was held high and his eyes closed, concentrating on deep breaths and feeling the energy in his body. "Fenris?"

"Are mages so disconnected they haven't heard of meditation?" 

"Sheesh, I made you coffee." Anders set Fenris's cup in front of him on the floor and unfurled fresh parchment paper at Fenris's desk. He pulled out a pen and started writing, sipping coffee and easing into a peaceful morning.

Fenris eventually shifted positions, stretching and warming his muscles up for whatever trouble the day would bring. He gratefully sipped his coffee as well, the stimulating effects adding a keen sense of focus to his physical and mental refreshment. "Thank you."

Anders glanced at him. "You're welcome, it's a pleasure." He turned his head back to the paper, hand flying across the page as he drafted more of what was undoubtedly his mage rights manifesto. Fenris came up behind him and put an arm on his shoulder. "Ah! It's a rough draft- don't look!"

Fenris bit back the retort that came up on his tongue. Not only did he not want such a document to be created in his home, but he certainly wasn't in the mood to destroy what could potentially become a peaceful 24 hour truce by pointing out he couldn't hope to read the blighted thing over Anders's shoulder because of what his precious magisters had done to Fenris. "Your handwriting is atrocious anyway," he snapped.

"I'm a doctor!"

Fenris's resting bitch face and active bitch face must've been too similar for Anders to tell he was legitimately upset, stomping down the stairs and into the kitchen to devour whatever he found first. He closed his eyes as he ripped into an apple.

Fuck. The root of all their problems- the politics.

Anders had the privilege of at least having a mother to miss. Fenris's entire living memory was lyrium torture and after- not even his original name beyond a pet name forced upon him by the very man who brutalized him.

If he focused hard enough, desperation and clarity combined conjured flashes, bits and pieces stuck out of the mired fog of his erased memories. A few stood out as being when he was quite a bit shorter- running around, presumably allowed to play as a child so he'd grow strong in what he knew was Danarius's courtyard. The sun was warm on his skin and Fenris got lost in it, breath stopping.

He could feel grass under his feet and a breeze in his short hair, a foreign giggle escaping his mouth as he ran chasing after a pigeon too fat to bother flying more than a few feet at a time. All his little mind cared about was the bird he pursued, laughing and weaving around the grassy area, delighted to have a playmate that was proving to be exceptionally good at Tag. Off to the side was a man who looked like Danarius without any grey hair- just standing there watching him as a young boy.

Sorrow seeped into his bones, followed by wrath that nothing in his past was free from Danarius's tainted form in his mind.

Fenris doubted he'd ever been free his entire life. He shuddered, dragging himself back to the present. If Danarius owned him and his theoretical family since he was a young child, perhaps it was best if he couldn't remember anything else.

Anders came downstairs fully dressed to leave. Fenris did his best to not glower at him and failed. How could a man so bent on righting the wrongs of the world not see that giving the mages and therefore future magisters and slavers power would result in even more pain and suffering? More children owned by others, taken before they'd ever even lived? "Where are you going?"

"Oh, I have to check on the clinic. I figure we have a couple hours before Hawke comes knocking, so I'll heal anyone who needs me and make a shopping list." 

Fenris's mind was still overwhelmed by the brief impression he had of childhood. He despised the idea of spending time with Anders in his element, but even worse was being alone. Maker knew what his memories contained, and he had no desire to spiral down into oblivion. "I'm coming with you. Hawke can find us both there."

"Oh? Alright." Fenris brushed past Anders and didn't wait up for him as he strode to Darktown. Anders caught up to him and they walked in silence. Anders assumed Fenris was simply being Fenris and didn't press it. "Thanks for letting me spend the night. I still feel ashamed about my outburst, but you were far more gracious than I expected. Justice was moved too."

"It's fine." Fenris swallowed hard. His problems weren't Anders's. He clenched his fists, again feeling uneasy as they passed through Lowtown. He impulsively reached out and held Anders's hand.

Anders took his hand and squeezed it. As Fenris hoped, the spirit healer's touch soothed his lyrium, making the ache of his stress fade as they walked. "Hey."

Fenris looked at Anders and Anders beamed at him, happiness so complete Fenris was startled by it. "Yes?"

"I've never gotten to hold someone's hand in public." Anders squeezed Fenris's hand again. "It feels lovely."

"Oh." Fenris felt selfish for making a moment just for using Anders's touch, but he supposed it was fine considering how increasingly cheerful Anders became. "Me neither."

Anders had a few injured people waiting for him in the clinic and he worked immediately, most injuries healing well with only magic. Fenris didn't know how to make extra potions or poultices and watched from the sidelines as Anders healed and drew on all of both his and Justice's power. More came in and Anders was relentless, even as his energy drained he gave all he had. 

Fenris's eyes glazed over. Anders's presence was a comfort. Still, even after about a month, he couldn't reconcile how close to mages he was becoming. 

But Anders's touch was so different from Danarius. Danarius toyed and took and punished. Anders healed and only sought to give Fenris comfort and pleasure, all kisses and smiles and affection in their passion. Anders made sure Fenris was safe, consenting, okay. Anders always let Fenris take control, trusted him and enjoyed what Fenris wanted.

He worked steadily in front of Fenris's eyes, healing complete strangers for free, giving away injury kits he no doubt bought and made with his own little spare money. 

Anders was a mage.

And a good man. 

Fenris only moved from his perch when the clinic was empty, offering Anders a cup of water which he downed in an instant. "It's absurd that out of everything we do, this is among the most illegal."

Anders huffed. "No shit! Bloody templars try to shut me down for healing the sick and injured as if th- wait. Are you agreeing with me?"

"Didn't say that."

"You are!" Anders exclaimed. "Mages-"

"Hush. I didn't say I wanted the Circles to fall to the earth and every mage swarming into Tevinter like ants or starting a massacre."

Anders crossed his arms. "Fine- but you at least see your own self contradictory problems!"

Fenris sighed. "I don't want a debate with you."

"People in the wrong rarely do."

"I merely think you do more help than harm. It's a rarity. A compliment, if you bothered to listen." 

Hawke knocked on the clinic door with Merrill, Isabela, Varric, and Sebastian right behind him. Anders swung the door open and Hawke grinned. "Get in losers, we're going to The Wounded Coast!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always a pleasure to write these two! Thank you for reading <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On a trip with the gang

Qunari pirates were the problem of the week. Hawke led his rogues plus Merrill, Anders, and Fenris to The Wounded Coast. It was a full day cross country trek, but traveling with Hawke and the company he kept was never boring.

"You gotta give me SOMETHING," pressed Varric, trailing behind Anders and Fenris. The wild coast was a pleasant walk filled with trees and sunshine when not overrun with bandits and slave traders and one could almost pretend they were out for a picnic if it wasn't for all the heavy armor and weaponry. "Hawke has his romantic comedy going on with his fish out of water over there, but you two? You hated each other! You're angsty! It's what people want."

Merrill wrinkled her nose. "I'm not a fish!"

Anders was used to having a reputation for sexual trysts and tricks, but it hadn't mattered before. And now, with someone like Fenris? "I'm not saying a thing. You'll have better luck getting details on Prince Charming's quite dead love life." 

"Don't need 'em!" Varric grinned, teasing. "He's handsome, pure hearted, fierce, faithful, probably good with kids- and completely unattainable. Someone has to stay single for the ladies and a few gentlemen to guiltlessly pine for. He's perfect."

Prince Sebastian laughed, a blush creeping over his face. "I'm a mere chantry brother, Varric. Nothing so high and divine as you say."

"Humble too. Maker, you do it on purpose or what?"

"If only you'd come into my life before I swore my love to Andraste, Varric!" Sebastian playfully pretended to swoon. "In a different life-"

"Oh if only- my rogue in shining armor-"

"Good GOD you two!" exclaimed Hawke over a few giggles. "Varric, aren't you straight?"

"I like to keep people guessing."

Fenris rolled his eyes at the bantering and teasing, but a smile threatened to appear on his face. Never before Kirkwall had his companions been so filterless and free with affection and insults. He watched as Hawke led the group like an exasperated mother hen, as if their verbal entertainment wasn't at least half the reason he brought them anywhere. Merrill and Isabela followed him with arms around each other's waists, Merrill laughing often and Isabela smirking. He wondered if Hawke knew his girlfriend had a crush on Isabela, but then again anyone having a crush on Isabela was nothing new. 

"Okay but really, Blondie. You weren't so shy about Isabela putting your electricity trick out there on the table."

Anders sighed. "Drop it, dwarf! Fenris and I-"

"He's loud," stated Fenris. Anders choked and Sebastian suddenly looked away and rubbed his neck while Isabela tuned in with grin. Fenris took Anders's hand in his and shrugged. "You all know we're together. Just stating the obvious."

Varric snorted. "Yes, Broody, I definitely knew that one. Who swept who off their feet?"

Isabela hung back to elbow Varric. "No one sweeps anyone off their feet for hate sex!"

"Correct," said Anders with relief. "No sweeping at all."

"The real question is who said 'shut up' and who said 'make me'!" 

Fenris and Anders's silence was telling. Anders squeezed Fenris's hand and flashed a smile. Fenris wished he didn't think that grin was so light and beautiful. "Whatever this is between us, consider yourselves lucky we know how to behave in a camping tent with other people, since there's only two tents," said Anders. "Unlike some people I know."

Merrill giggled and Hawke's ears turned red. 

"I wanna be in the shenanigans tent!" declared Isabela, looking at Hawke and Merrill.

"Pass," said Sebastian.

"Pass," said Anders.

"Pass," said Fenris.

"Pass," finished Varric. He looked at his three temporary roommates. "Great, I'm sleeping with a bunch of glow-sticks." 

Sebastian shrugged, the metal on his armor glinting particularly bright in the sun. "Just the blessing of the light of the Maker." 

The Maker also blessed them with an ogre to fight. The group sprang into action, rogues diving in all directions to confuse it while the mages hung out in the back. Fenris rushed in front alone, swinging his sword with deadly strength and phasing partially into the Fade when the beast swung at him. Isabela took the ogre from behind (ew) and her blades thrust in deep before she sprang back with lightning reflexes. Actual lighting crackled past Fenris's head alongside arrows and crossbow bolts. The ogre roared. 

Fenris was the only one it could directly attack- and so it did. He couldn't phase entirely out of a blow and groaned as the ogre's fist collided with his shoulder as he cut into it's thigh. "THIS IS A VERY UNBALANCED TEAM!" he shouted in pain.

Anders's healing magic immediately mended his wound as Isabela took a backhanded hit. "I need healing!" she yelled.

"I need healing!" said Hawke.

"I need healing!" shouted Varric with a smirk.

"I need healing!" Merrill laughed. 

"I need healing!" roared Fenris in genuine need as the ogre dislocated his wrist.

"ANDRASTE'S LIPS ON SHARTAN'S COCK!" bellowed Anders, drawing on Justice to heal Fenris first and to instill a stream of healing energy inside the elf. Perhaps Fenris should've taken the healer to bed long ago if this is how he showed his affection. He sank his blade deep into the ogre's chest as Isabela stabbed its neck, killing the beast. 

"Ha!" Isabela exclaimed. "Dead!"

Anders scowled and healed her wound, suddenly angling his head up. "My darkspawn senses are tingling!"

A group of darkspawn rushed the party and Fenris charged back, lyrium glowing bright. Darkspawn fell around him from magical blasts and arrows as Fenris ripped through darkspawn in front of him with a snarl. His sword and gauntlets tore and sprayed blood all over his armor and skin as he relished in the gore he could so easily inflict. Anders kept him shielded and healed and Fenris was almost invincible, drunk off the unnaturally murky blood that gushed at his command, the final living head of a darkspawn exploding as he thrust his fist inside the Fade and then caused it to materialize inside the monster's skull, yanking with dark pleasure as it died. 

"Holy shit." Hawke stared at Fenris in the center of his blood hurricane. "Remind me to never ever get on your bad side."

They cleaned up and checked for serious wounds- one of which being Sebastian's ears. "Maker, Anders! Could you have said anything more offensive? Andraste's- no I can't even repeat it?"

Anders shrugged. Being both Andrastian and a mage, he danced between devout belief and mandatory blasphemy. "I probably could if you gave me time to brainstorm."

Isabela laughed. "I suspect that particular exclamation came from personal experience?" She eyed Fenris. "Recent experience, perhaps?"

"Oh shut it Isabela!" groaned Anders, albeit without venom. "The priest doesn't need to know how much I like being on my knees!"

"Maker no." Sebastian sighed deeply. "Maker forgive your children..."

Fenris eyed Varric. "Everything you say can and will be used against you, Anders. The dwarf will remember that."

Varric feigned innocence. "Remember what?"

-~-

They set up camp a ways from where they were to make their attack on the pirates before dawn. Isabela, Hawke, and Merrill retired remarkably hastily to their tent and the other four exchanged looks.

"I'll take watch," volunteered Sebastian. 

Varric shrugged. "I'm not sleeping yet. I've got fish to fry, quite literally."

"Ew." Fenris moved upwind of the cooking fire Varric was starting and sat by Sebastian. The chantry brother smiled at Fenris and opened his copy of the Chant of Light. It was a wordless invitation and he simply started speaking, not missing how Fenris's eyes followed his voice across the words of the page.

"'Heart that is broken, beats still unceasing,  
An ocean of sorrow does nobody drown.  
You have forgotten, spear-maid of Alamarr.  
Within My creation, none are alone...'"

Sebastian might've irked everyone with his faith or appear too righteous for the likes of their company, but Fenris couldn't help a wave of appreciation for Sebastian wash over him as he let Fenris read alongside him without pushing his beliefs or making a scene of teaching him. Didn't matter that he was an elf, uncertain in his faith, a killer, or anything else.

Fenris was a person, and Sebastian seemed to be one of the few who made him feel just that.

Varric cooked him and Anders dinner in a small frying pan Anders imagined doubled as armor when against his back. "So, Blondie. Justice will let you both eat AND sleep in one evening?"

"Surprisingly, yes." Anders stretched out by the fire, basking in the warmth like a cat and ignoring a high pitched sigh from Hawke's tent. "Possessing a dead body when we first met meant he wasn't prepared for a living one. It's taken time for him to understand my needs beyond activism, but he gets it. Mostly."

Anders flickered blue and Varric huffed. "Seems like he disagrees."

"No, sorry about that." Anders sighed and inhaled the aroma of cooking fish. "I think he still longs to interact with this world more. He appreciates beauty, but feels torn whenever he's distracted from his purpose. A life is going to be many things. Justice, funny as it may be for something usually represented by scales, has no sense of balance."

"So you're trying to teach a Fade spirit to change? What would he be then, a spirit of Freedom?"

Anders paused. He grinned and a flicker appeared on his skin again. "More like indecision is how it feels like. Justice has already changed since joining with me and is confused. Perhaps you're not far off- don't we fight for Justice so others may have freedom?" 

Varric served them both their fish and sat back, happy to not have to share his ale with Anders. "I've got characters who talk in my head all the time- call it overactive imagination. I can't imagine a spirit."

"Ha! A lot is direct conversation, but even more so are impulsive and intrusive thoughts." Anders sighed. "Sometimes we really do agree and have the same mind on things, other times it's confusing. My organic impulses tend to be 'run after the stray kitty cat' or 'oh wow, what a good butt', while Justice's impulsive thoughts tend to be 'that's a starving child and I should dump out my pockets for them' and 'gravity is boring outside the Fade'. It's a bit crowded in here."

"Ever think of letting him out to say hello to more people?"

Anders snorted and covered his mouth. "Justice and Sebastian together. Just imagine it."

"Point taken."

"He also has no filter." 

"Are you implying YOU do?" 

Anders finished his fish and lounged back. Varric took in every word and book ammunition or not, Anders needed someone to listen. "In all fairness, I'm pretty sure Justice has saved my life. He doesn't sleep. Sure my body does and I do, but he's in the back of my mind in case anything happens. He's something of a guardian to me."

"You sound attached- literally."

Anders's grin faded. "Friends are more important than anything, Varric. Maybe I've finally made one no one can ever take away from me."

Varric put a hand on Anders's shoulder. "Look around. You can count more than one, Blondie."

Anders wished he had Varric's certainty.

-~-

Sebastian took first watch as promised as Varric, Fenris, and Anders went to bed. Varric apparently had the dwarvish gift of heavy sleeping and slept almost immediately after unfurling his sleeping mat. Fenris unrolled his sleeping bag and Anders blanched as he looked inside his backpack.

Well, shit.

Anders curled up on the ground and rested his head on his hand. Justice sent a small wave of apologetic guilt through Anders. Anders had been tired and rushed to get the clinic together and had been distracted by Fenris- so while Fenris got to go back to his mansion and grab a pre packed bag, Anders and Justice had enough Lyrium potions thrown in their backpack to put on a fireworks show while healing everyone Anders had ever met, but no sleeping bag. Figures.

"Mage?" Fenris propped himself up on his elbow, under his bedding. "What are you doing?"

"I was in a hurry to pack when Hawke showed up and uh, um. Justice forgot too so I don't have a bedroll." Anders squirmed. The evening sea breeze wasn't particularly warm, but he'd live. "I've slept on rocks before, the grass is fine."

"Stupid forgetful idiot!" Fenris's scolding might've sounded more threatening if he wasn't trying to tug Anders into his sleeping bag. "Be useful and get in here."

Anders's heart leapt but he still felt sheepish. "I don't want to impose-"

"Cuddle me." Fenris gave an order rather than a request and Anders grinned. Fenris rolled over and sighed with satisfaction as Anders spooned him and held him close in their bedding, bodies pressed together so Fenris only felt warmth and softness. "Good. This shall compensate for having to share." 

Anders's height helped him be a good snuggler, Fenris's head tucked under his and their legs twined together. He kissed Fenris's hair and pet his chest, nuzzling him and pushing up Fenris's tunic to rub his abdomen. It was tactfully under their blanket and facing away from Varric, but not an available route after already teasing Hawke for his displays of affection (made relevant by another moan from the other tent).

"If you arouse me-" growled Fenris under his breath, turning his head back to hiss near Anders's ear, "I'll have you crying and screaming your throat raw over whatever I damm well feel like the next time we set foot in my house."

It occurred to Fenris after Anders shivered and bit hit his lip that maybe growling and threatening a man who liked his growls and threats was not a good way to diffuse the situation. "If I behave myself, can you promise to do that anyway?" murmured Anders. Fenris hoped he was only imagining Anders being turned on behind him.

"If you behave, I'll be open to a great many things. Requests, if you will."

Fenris could hear Anders smirking. "Oooooooh, I could definitely give you ideas." Anders stopped his petting but still cuddled Fenris close. "Alright, lets sleep then."

Fenris, who was generally a horrible insomniac without his alcohol, passed out within minutes of being snuggled in Anders's arms. Anders wished he could sleep as easily, his body eager at the idea of showing Fenris what Anders could do on his knees, or kissing every single line of lyrium and making Fenris's nerves sing with pleasure. He wondered if Fenris would enjoy tying him up-

'Sleep,' rumbled Justice inside Anders's head.

'I can't. You know why. You can feel it too.'

Justice took over partial control of Anders and tuned him into Sebastian reading softly under his breath outside, the words of Andraste and the Maker quelling both Anders's desire and his will to stay awake. Justice also started reciting historical timeline events of the Blights and Anders was gone. 'I'm impressed but not surprised by your capability to kill boners,' thought Anders at Justice before he slipped into the embrace of deep sleep with Fenris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments add Friendship (+10)
> 
> love you guys!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot? Plot. Haha. Oopsies

"You guys really are glow sticks. Is he purring?" Varric's voice was curious, and Fenris ignored him.

Fenris's eyes were closed, nestled into a delightful cocoon of warmth and comfort. He'd never felt so safe and cared for in his life. The lyrium in his skin was warm and soothing unlike the pain he'd known, and he could see soft pulsing light behind his eyelids that relaxed him into almost drifting asleep again, not moving at all as he absorbed the peace inside him as though he was still deeply asleep or pleasantly drunk.

"Someone else wake him," murmured Anders behind him. Fenris was aware of a vibrating sound coming from his own chest and how it got louder when Anders spoke. He decided he liked it, floating in his own hazy cloud of relaxation. "He hates being woken up. And- oh Maker so do I, this is so good."

"Fenris!" Sebastian knelt by Fenris and Anders and Fenris's purrs turned to growls. "The Maker has provided another blessed day for us to raid Qunari pirate ships! Wakes wakey eggs and bakey! Gold! Blood! Vengeance! Murder!"

Justice floated to the surface of Anders's mind. "It is unjust to move us when we're so comfortable." 

Fenris unwillingly opened his eyes and at last snapped awake. His lyrium was glowing and pulsing and Anders's skin was glowing blue in time. His ears twitched and he could feel Anders breathing in time with him- or was it Justice? "Huh?" Anders/Justice yawned behind him and Fenris echoed it. He reluctantly rolled away from Anders and both of their glowing stopped. Justice whined as he slunk back inside Anders's mind. "What did you do, mage? My lyrium doesn't do that on its own."

"Uhhhh, nothing? It hasn't happened before."

Varric was grinning and scribbling something down. "You're so enamored you're GLOWING!"

Sebastian read the room in a split second and dived in the middle of the group before Fenris could tackle Varric. "I glow with my love for the Maker and carry the light of His blessing wherever I step! It's nothing to be ashamed of! No bloodshed before breakfast!" 

Fenris sighed and restrained himself from body slamming the dwarf in a very unfair fight. "Fine, fine. Are the others awake?"

Sebastian blanched. "I- ah, kept watch and I don't believe they slept."

Varric and Anders groaned. Varric made sure Bianca was loaded and spotless, as if she ever wasn't in sparkling condition. "If we die because those three were being nasty all night I'll kill them! And ask for details, of course."

Fenris still felt almost drunk with bliss, peaceful even as he buckled his armor on and eyed the sky outside. It was still dark, no hint of the sun creeping over the horizon yet. "We attack at dawn?"

Sebastian passed around field rations, glancing at Hawke, Merrill, and Isabela with distaste. "Yes." 

Merrill was happily sandwiched between Isabela and Hawke, the three grinning stupidly at each other and each under one of Merrill's arms as they ate. Isabela fed Merrill a bite of oat and fruit ration bar as Hawke kissed Merrill's cheek.

"That's disgusting," said Varric, taking notes down with a smile. 

Anders was having just as much trouble waking up as Fenris. Back when he drank he remembered warmth and pleasant disassociation such as this- now it was alarming. 'Justice?' he thought. 'Any insights?'

Justice almost purred like Fenris had. 'Protect Leto. Heal Leto. Love Leto.'

Anders clamped a hand over his mouth, desperate to not say any of that aloud. 'WHAT? Who's that?'

Fenris raised his eyebrows at Anders. "Justice got your tongue?"

"He- uh. Justice is talking about someone named Leto?"

Fenris shrugged. "Spirits and demons don't make sense. It's a miracle yours does at all."

Justice huffed but didn't press it. Anders stretched and shook his head. Ambushing Qunari was going to take tact and skill.

"So, I don't think I'll be very sneaky in the dark," admitted Sebastian, looking at his glowing armor. 

Hawke cracked his knuckles. "We have a plan- surround the Qunari and force them to fight while flanked on all sides. We have to be careful in case they have prisoners but it's pretty simple. There should only be one ship. We're to set any captives free and take all of the stolen goods back to Kirkwall for the Viscount to redistribute to the rightful owners at the Docks. Clear?"

"We should have code names." Isabela smirked. "From now on you will be addressing me as Eagle One. Anders- Been There, Done That, Merrill and Hawke- Currently Doing That, Fenris- It Happened Once in a Dream, Varric- If I Had to Pick a Dwarf, Sebastian is-"

The room waited with baited breath. Isabela nodded. "Eagle Two."

"Oh thank God," groaned Sebastian.

Isabela continued. "Eagle Two will draw attention, so It Happened Once in a Dream will go with him and draw the bulk of the fire while we surround them. Got it?" Murmurs of agreement echoed around the group. 

"Let's go, Eagle Two," said Fenris drily. He and Sebastian led the way to the anchored Qunari ship as the others fanned out, Anders of course making sure Fenris was within healing range. Really should've bedded the party healer sooner.

Sebastian fitted an arrow to his bow and jogged behind Fenris towards the ship. The Qunari seemed to have more trouble than just them- their boat moored and clearly not ready to sail anytime soon with a mast broken off, possibly from a storm or Free Marches ship. A Qunari on watch shouted at seeing the light of the Maker shining on Sebastian and his arrow silenced him, but all hell still broke loose.

Fenris rushed in, Sebastian tried to stop him, and Anders was good in the back. His lyrium lit up and he phased through a Qunari, turning his body so he flew out of the warrior's chest, his hand last to leave as the Qunari retched and he ripped his beating heart out with his momentum, fist clenched around it. He crashed into another pirate behind him and drew his sword, hands already drenched in blood as he fought the Qunari. 

The entire fight might've gone better if Fenris's mind hadn't completely blanked and then forced his body unconscious. The last thing he saw was Merrill and Isabela rushing over his collapsed form.

-~-

Fenris was short- awfully short. He was giggling for some reason, pushing white unruly hair out of his eyes as he ran around on a grassy lawn- back again in Danarius's courtyard. "Fire!" he shouted with a laugh.

A girl- a girl he should know- stood a few feet away. She was an elf like him, red hair and catlike eyes somewhere around his age, perhaps around nine years old. She snapped her fingers and conjured a fireball, cold focus in her eyes as Fenris squeaked.

"I have to concentrate!" she yelled, child voice incredibly underwhelming as Fenris bounced up and down.

"I wanna try!" 

"You don't have it! Don't bother!" she scolded. Maker, thought Fenris belatedly as he watched himself as a child, the girl had a Magister attitude already.

Fenris snapped his fingers, clapped his hands, and did a twirl. No magic happened. He still grinned, uncharacteristically dazzled by her magic. Fenris had no idea he used to think magic was fun. "Lightning!" he requested, giddy and eyes wide.

The elf seemed willing to show off, apparently. She thrust her hand into the sky and static crackled in the air as she called a lightning bolt to her hand with a small but impressing boom of thunder, wind bursting out in a small radius around her and knocking Fenris over in the grass. "COOL!"

Modern day Fenris would've run screaming or rushed at her with a sword. He should feel repulsed by watching her and adoring her magic, but his memory was only happy. Was this even him? How much of himself had Fenris had taken away from him?

"Uncontrolled, wild, dangerous- and powerful." Fenris sat up in the lawn and saw Danarius standing behind the girl with a hand on her wrist and a gleam in his eye. The girl seemed scared.

"Master! I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Hush, child." Danarius let go of her wrist and stroked her hair, a mimicry of a doting father. "With teaching, your gifts could be useful. Such a shame you're an elf," he mused. "But too potent to leave it be, as you keep using magic without even a staff."

The girl gazed at Danarius. "I'd do anything you ask of me."

"You'll report to Hadriana for training in the morning- I wouldn't waste such natural talent, precious. My apprentice shall have an apprentice, it seems." 

Fenris watched as the girl walked away. He stood up and Danarius focused on him. "Well, little wolf? Are your chores done?" The threat in his voice was low, but Fenris wasn't afraid. He'd been good.

"Yes, Master."

"Good." The praise sent a warm feeling through Fenris's memory and a pulse of violent wrath through Fenris as he observed. "Run along now, little one." Danarius pet Fenris's hair and passed a hand over his sensitive ears, making Fenris giggle again. "You should help your mother with dinner before your sister sets your quarters on fire."

-~-

Fenris bolted awake with a hoarse scream, tears streaming down his face, fists clenched and head throbbing with pain, unable to hear Anders or Hawke or anyone around him, shutting out their worried voices as he tried to understand. He curled into a ball and shut down as his mind reeled at the memory so fresh in his mind.

Mage sister.

Danarius.

Magic.

SISTER.

Fenris wasn't sure how he wound up in Anders's arms with the mage cradling him but he needed it, burying his face into Anders's chest. He was too gone to be ashamed or even aware of it for awhile. The rest of them sifted through the ship's cargo hold and recovered stolen gold, rune schematics, and expensive crafting materials. Whatever the Qunari we're going to do with it couldn't have been good. 

"Are you alright?" Sebastian sat by Fenris and Anders and Fenris raised his head. He was grateful Sebastian was the one to approach- aside from Hawke he was the only one who didn't seem capable of looking down on him. 

"I don't know why NOW of all times, but it seems my memories are coming back." Fenris shuddered. "I don't WANT them to."

Anders frowned. Blue light seemed to flicker at the corner of his eyes. "You don't?"

"No! I'm not talking about it." Fenris wiped his eyes, stubbornly standing up and groaning in pain. His hurt transformed into rage and he lifted his head to the sky and roared, nails digging into his lyrium poisoned hands as he screamed with fury, bringing cold to the sunny barren coast. "FUCKING MAGES! Nothing they touch- nothing they even set their goddamn eyes on stays pure! Sick sadistic fucking BASTARDS! Maker blight every last one from this rotting earth!"

Fenris's eyes blazed with fury and he shoved anyone aside who tried to stop him from turning on his heel and storming back to Kirkwall.

The group was silent after his outburst.

"That bad, huh?" mused Varric, voice somber for once. 

Anders sighed. He had no idea what Fenris had witnessed, no clue except it wasn't good. He yearned to run to Fenris and comfort him, but his heart soured at the notion of bearing the brunt of his hatred of magic. "Sure is hard to care for someone who doesn't want to be cared for."

Hawke shrugged and gestured to where Fenris had left. "Maybe he doesn't need concern right now. He's processing things from long ago all over again. Could just need some space."

"Yes- definitely wouldn't want a MAGE to comfort him!" spat Anders. 

"The world doesn't revolve around you!" snapped Isabela. "He's hurt! Care about Fenris! Not you!"

"He won't let me!" Anders whirled around and yelled in her face. "I'm a HEALER! I'm upset when I can't FIX something! My entire existence revolves around action and healing and I can't help the person I care about because I just- I can't! And I'm upset! Fuck off!"

"Fuck you!" she shouted right back. "That sounds frustrating and agonizing! You're right to feel that way!"

"I-!" Anders cut himself off, realizing he'd won the argument but didn't reap any reward from it. "Oh."

Isabela put a hand on his shoulder. "Let him go for a night. Tell Justice to shove it and have a drink with us when we get back to town."

Merrill mirrored Isabela. "You two are very cute! Almost as cute as us! But you can't be together all the time."

Anders let his companions soothe him, letting his mind drift as discussion turned to all the horrible implications of pirates selling or using the elemental rune materials. Justice stirred in the back of his mind, depressed and upset.

'Me too, buddy,' thought Anders glumly.

'I healed him. Why isn't he happy? He should be happy. I hurt him instead.' Justice sounded miserable. 'We have to make it right. I wanted to ease his pain.'

'Can't. You just saw him storm off.'

'Write a letter, offer us to him when he's ready. Show we care.'

Anders sighed and rubbed his eyes. It was something. 

-~-

Fenris kept himself busy the next few days with a schedule blocked full with staring at the wall, staring through the ceiling, pacing, drinking, struggling to read his books, practicing his combat techniques, and then drinking again to pass out at night. 

Ignorance was far from bliss- he should've suspected Danarius had always been cruel. Fenris tried to not think about whatever had happened to that little girl or the mother he supposedly had. He tried to not think about how his training to obey Danarius had started as a child, how years had gone into crafting Fenris to be the perfect obedient weapon and... companion. 

He sank to his knees and meditated under the night sky, the moonlight shining through the broken ceiling on Fenris's snowy hair. The only thing he could control was the future. He knew this. He'd long stopped focusing on the mire of fog in his memories and instead on building something new, scrambling and flailing without instructions but trying, damnit. 

Fenris padded over to the front door, thinking of taking a midnight stroll and perhaps scaring some slavers shitless. He narrowed his eyes at a piece of paper slipped under the door. He could recognize Anders's horrible handwriting and sighed, guessing it was something sweet and concerned but too mentally fatigued to try and decipher it. 

-~-

He woke up the next morning to Anders pouring a cup of tea next to him. "Hm?" mumbled Fenris, sniffing and smelling the calming aroma.

"You're not trying to kill me, so I take it you got my note?" 

Ah, pretending time. "Yeah. Course I did."

Anders hugged Fenris tightly, his heat and clean scent comforting. Fenris guessed he used soap often during the day for sanitation and dealing with living in the undercity. "Justice has been miserable the past few days, worried he hurt you. We're sorry."

"For what?"

Anders blinked. "Well, for using Panacea on you. As I said in my letter, Justice will heal me in my sleep or keep watch if he senses he needs to, and he activated some of my abilities and uh, you know. Healed you too well."

Fenris sighed. So that's what had happened. As angry as he might've been, he had the sense to know it wasn't their intent or fault. "Listen, you and Hawke didn't deserve my outburst and I'm not ready to tell anyone what I remember. It's too much. You and Justice did heal some of my physical scarring and chronic ache, which I appreciate." Fenris flexed his fingers. The lyrium was carved into his fingers and usually reverberated with discomfort. Nothing happened as he examined his hand. He hoped the effect lasted.

"You're a lot more mature than I'd be in your shoes- er, feet. You might be getting more flashbacks." Anders backed away sheepishly. "If they're as bad as the last one, I'm sorry."

Fenris wasn't sure how to respond. Wrath? Sorrow? He'd yearned for his memories for so long, but it almost seemed like they belonged to someone else. Why bother going over so many gruesome possibilities when he couldn't help those he'd lost? It didn't matter. "What's done is done. At least I have a warning."

"I'm here for whatever you need. I know all too well what it's like to suffer alone." Anders's eyes were full of emotion. Maker, how could Fenris be mad at him with a face like that? "I couldn't just leave you." 

Fenris grinned. "Sorry for saying this while you're looking at me like that, but I think I could definitely use you undressed."

Anders laughed, relief spreading through him. "I was hoping you'd say that."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! I was gonna make some Nice! comment when we hit 69 kudos but this has made it to 75 as I post this which is even better! Thank you for your support and comments!
> 
> Anders and Fenris got a bit ahead of me here but alas they're passionate

Anders and Fenris kissed, mouths soft against each other as they curled up together on the bed, caressing each other appreciatively. There was nothing frantic, heated, or rushed in their kisses, just familiarity and comfort. A reminder that whatever Fenris's memories held, Anders was there. "Anders."

"Hm?" Anders pecked Fenris's lips. "Yes?" He pet Fenris's hair and Fenris pressed into his palm, savoring Anders's fingers in his hair. He still was amazed at how gentle and sweet Anders's touches were, how his instincts used to scream at him to shy away from physical affection but Anders proved him wrong. Anders was the exception to every rule he had made for himself.

Fenris made a decision.

"I don't want to keep things from you."

Anders tensed for a moment and then settled back down. Fenris frowned. Anders pressed on, ignoring the tension. "What's up?"

Fenris still frowned. "You seem upset."

"I don't have any idea what you're about to tell me." Anders attempted a smile. "Call it dramatic suspense. I want you to continue."

Fenris nodded. He stroked Anders's cheek and admired the rough stubble along his jawline under the pads of his fingerstips, how Anders hummed like he wanted to purr snuggled so close together. Fenris's heart lightened at the sight. He'd had every intention of having passionate intercourse that morning, but his emotions won. "I don't think I'm ready to explain all of the details of my memory." He took a steadying breath. "But I had a sister as a child. A mage sister."

Anders's eyes widened. "Woah."

"We were Danarius's even back then. I still don't know what happened to our mother, but I was in the courtyard with my sister as she showed off her magic to me." Fenris closed his eyes and huffed with bitter amusement. "I loved it."

"That was a lifetime ago." Anders listened intently Fenris felt almost palatable relief sweep through him. The words were flowing more fluently than the staggering struggle he'd imagined in telling anyone about his past.

"Danarius had her apprenticed to Hadriana- his own apprentice almost as sadistic as he was." Fenris swallowed hard. "I have no memories of her as an adult."

Anders's eyes were sorrowful, hand resting on Fenris's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"I remember adoring her. My sister was my favorite person in the entire world, and I would've done anything to give her freedom away from Danarius." Fenris's throat closed up. "I didn't care she was a mage. I- the thought of that little girl being subjugated to Maker knows what- only to have her apparently die before I was infused with lyrium. I don't have anything but a couple scant minutes of childhood but the loss is almost unbearable."

Anders was quiet, lost in thought. Fenris didn't want respectful silence. It was too much, too heavy. Anders was clearly upset from the way he gnawed his cheek and avoided eye contact. "Please say something, Anders." 

"I have thoughts," said Anders carefully. "I don't want to make this about me."

Fenris sat up, eyes clouded. Oh no. "You don't have to tread carefully around me. Do I make you feel like you do? I'm literally naked and vulnerable in front of you- I- I don't open up to anyone like this-"

"I just don't want to say something selfish." Anders raised himself up to be close to Fenris, legs touching. 

"You don't think I care about you enough to want to hear your thoughts?"

Anders put an arm around Fenris, his heart racing. This wasn't the right time for this conversation. Maybe never was the right time. "I know you care about me. I care for you too- hell, if you knew how much, you'd run for the hills."

"No I wouldn't." Fenris knew he'd come close to running. But he hadn't.

"Alright." Anders sighed and blue light flowed under his skin for a few seconds as Justice almost surfaced. "It's in my manifesto, that that sort of thing... happens here. Apprentices killed. Mages killed or their souls destroyed by being made Tranquil. Mage children hunted and hurt and abused- all of it chantry and Templar approved. I know what it was like to watch those atrocities and be helpless. I'm genuinely sorry you experienced such things too." 

Fenris surprised Anders and barely reacted, nodding his head with a heavy sigh. "I know. I find myself torn- I can't bear the idea of being idle to such cruel suffering my sister must've endured before her death for being magically abused and forced to use her powers for their whims, but I fear giving all mages full run of Thedas will bring about the return of the vast Imperium, inescapable and enslaving all. I've been thinking on it a lot lately, ever since that memory, ever since getting closer to you. I have to come to terms with the fact that I have mages like you, Hawke, and my sister I care about. I'd be devastated to lose you or Hawke. I always blamed magic for my problems- for all problems, and I felt right to do so- but it's become complicated. I'm at a loss that almost feels worse than just hating all magic like I used to."

Anders stared, stunned. "You've really been thinking about that?"

"Don't act so surprised, Anders." Fenris folded his arms across his chest. "I have a heart."

Anders hugged Fenris from the side. It was much more than he'd hoped for- a compromise he knew most would never be willing to reach, much less Fenris. "It's not easy."

"I'm afraid I still disagree with your action plan. Strongly disagree. I- Maker, I don't know if I can handle much discussion about it right now, but I don't condone widespread abuse and families being torn apart." Fenris's soul was still heavy with grief and confusion, wanting to set every girl like his sister free but terrified what they'd do. "If the Circles are as you say... I don't know what to do."

"You actually listened to me. You thought about it and didn't brush all of us aside. That's more than most."

Fenris leaned his head against Anders, closing his eyes. The sun was still barely up in the sky, the early morning peaceful. His chest was lighter and his head was finally untroubled and sound, curled up with his lover. A rush of affection for Anders overcame him and he squeezed Anders's hand. For the first time, he realized, he'd gone to someone who wasn't Hawke to talk about sensitive topics. It was odd to have found such trust in another person, especially someone he would've barely considered a friend a couple months ago. If only their differences hadn't kept them so distant all that time. "We should get out of bed," he said, making no effort to do so.

"Or we could not." Anders nosed Fenris's hair. The playful tone in his voice wasn't lost to Fenris.

Fenris stretched out, a lazy smile on his face. "I want to try something new." Fenris licked his lips. It was odd to admit, but he felt secure. It was okay to have personal desires. "I want you inside me."

"Oh?"

"You always seem so blissful," commented Fenris with a smirk. "Just lying there, doing nothing and getting off on my hard work. I want in on it."

"Hahaha, HARD work!"

Fenris groaned. "Do you WANT sex?"

"Maker, yes!"

"Good. I think I'd like to ride you."

Anders's face heated up and he dragged his teeth across his bottom lip. Yep, Anders was into it. "That's not exactly the blissful pillow princess life I get to have under a hot beautiful elf, but I'll treat you like royalty anyway."

Fenris scowled but with a playful glint in his eyes. "No assassinations or petitions in bed!"

"Ha! Fine." Anders kissed Fenris again. "Do you want to try this now? I'm free all morning."

"This is cutting into my previously scheduled Stare at the Wall time, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." 

Anders kissed Fenris with intent, pulling him close and sucking on his lip for a second, inviting Fenris to kiss deeply. Anders's hands caressed his hips, back, and sides, exploring by touch as Fenris shivered at the sensations. No pain at all. Anders angled his head and groaned appreciatively as Fenris sat astride him, pressing close and hinting at what he wanted. Anders broke their kiss to kiss his neck instead. "Fenris?"

"Hm?" Fenris was distracted, kissing Anders's jaw, humming in his throat and almost purring. 

"Out here in the real world, people wait months or years to say they love each other." Anders held eye contact with Fenris, hand trailing down his chest, arm around his waist with Fenris's hands on his shoulders. "I- I don't want to keep things from you either, Fenris. Justice tried to tell you that I love you. I tried to tell you even before that when you took me to bed in my clinic that I love you. And I do. I fall in love fast and hard and recklessly and I can't keep it inside. I promised myself I'd never have to hide my feelings for someone I loved ever again."

Fenris pressed his forehead to Anders's. Maker, his heart raced and he knew instantly how he felt. "Why wait months or years?"

"Society doesn't think you can truly love someone so fast." Anders's voice was hoarse, desire coloring every word. "People tell us love is cheapened or not real by being so quick- but never in my life has love been anything but beautiful and fierce."

Fenris kissed Anders again, breath hot against his face as he murmured, "I think I love you too."

"You do?"

"Yes." Fenris grinned. "Society can say what it will- I don't take well to being told what to do."

Anders laughed, a bright spark of joy in his eyes, pulling Fenris closer. "Me neither." 

Fenris let Anders take him, body and soul high on pleasure and euphoric at the bond they were tentatively building. He straddled Anders and flexed up and down, breaths staggered and moans filling the room as Anders pressed into him just right, rolling his hips up to meet Fenris and push deep inside him, face flushed and skin bright and shining with sweat. Anders gripped his hips tightly and kneaded his flesh, guiding Fenris and sending jolts of pleasure through him, Anders's own arousal building as he rested his head neck and exposed his throat, eyes sliding closed with a harsh moan and deep thrusts inside Fenris, delighting in each other. They sealed their intimacy with kisses, exhaustion and passion ebbing away into lazy satisfied pecks and simply existing together.

But the clockhands moved, life pushed on, and both had a day to live.

Not before grabbing a friend and screaming, however.

-~-

"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!" Anders hyperventilated, panic pounding through his body as he could barely force his chest to loosen enough for airflow.

"BREATHE!" Isabela hugged Anders, face torn between a joyful grin and a concerned frown for him. 

"Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!" Anders buried his face in his hands and bounced up and down, careening wildly around his clinic, lanterns outside extinguished to tend to his own emotional turmoil. "I told him I LOVED him and he said it back! What do I DO????"

Isabela steadied Anders and gave him a conspiratorial wink. "You romance him! You won! You two have a glorious committed relationship to look forward to!"

Anders seemed intent on cycling through every possible emotion in under a minute, his eyes swelling up with tears and a sob caught in his raw throat. "The last person I loved DIED because of me! Karl was taken and destroyed just to hurt me! I'm dangerous! I'm hunted even more closely than Fenris! What if he gets maimed or tormented or captured to get to me? I'm on the run! I have no right to drag him into this!" Anders cried and Isabela took him in her arms, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"Anders, my multitalented apostate, we're all in our own perilous situations and every one of us can defend ourselves, Fenris the damn surest of all of us." Isabela soothed him, letting Anders sniff and dry his eyes. "Let yourself love him without trying to hold back or feeling guilty."

Anders shakily nodded. "Right. Yes. Okay. I'll act normal! And romantic! Totally okay!"

"Oh sweetheart, you haven't genuinely gotten to date anyone, have you?"

"No- but he already likes me right?" Anders's face was streaked with tears and worry. "I'll be okay? I just don't want to hurt him."

Isabela patted his shoulder. "You are okay. You'll be more than okay. Want me to stay awhile? I have some GREAT date ideas!"

Anders nodded, anxiety fading as he let Isabela hug him again. "To make matters worse, I started it and I know Fenris is taking this much better than I am."

-~-

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAWKE!"

Hawke had never heard such a sound rip itself from Fenris's throat in his years of knowing the elf and sprinted into his living room to see Fenris drinking wine next to his mabari. Fenris slumped against the wall, Dog's head in his lap as he absently pet the mabari. "Fenris?! What happened?!"

Fenris took a swig of wine. It wasn't sorrow but simply being overwhelmed. "Anders said he loves me. I said it back."

Hawke blinked. "He really loves you?"

Nod.

"And you love him too?"

Nod.

"Theeeeeeeeeen- why do you look like you just went through a break up? That's amazing! I'm happy for you!"

Fenris stared at Dog as his tail wagged. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm foolish to think I understand relationships. I don't."

"Woah. Back up." Hawke sat beside Fenris and Dog, unable to stop the mabari from crawling on top of Fenris and pinning him under his weight so Dog was within petting range of both people. "You don't need to understand relationships. You just have to understand Anders." Fenris gave him a blank stare and a twitch of a smile. "Okay, nevermind, you two just have to communicate and trust that you can work towards something good together."

"I don't know how. I've never known how."

Hawke scratched Dog behind his ears and the mabari barked happily. "Well, I'm dating Merrill. She gets lost literally and metaphorically in human culture. She got me a Dalish mage outfit- and literally none of it fit. I'm human, I have broad shoulders, I wear shoes, the magic in it felt intrusive to me- couldn't do it."

Fenris smiled. "Sounds like a mistake I might make."

"We got it tailored to fit her and I wear a green scrap from it tied around my waist." Fenris had seen a sturdy green ribbon tied to Hawke's belt before- now he understood. "I appreciated the sentiment, I still got a touching gift, and she needed new robes herself. A week later and we scheduled a date to go shopping and get me some robes together and have a nice meal. It worked out even better than we thought. You won't fail in loving someone and having it go unexpectedly."

"He's become so important to me so fast- I'm afraid I'm not good enough. I barely talk to people in regular social settings." Fenris scoffed. "Dating? I may as well be a Swords and Shields character!" 

Merrill walked into the living room with a platter of teacups and a teapot and a dreamy smile. Fenris realized he hadn't been exactly quiet. "Did I hear you need romantic advice? The Dalish are very romantic!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relationship advice from Dragon Age companions more like Oh No
> 
> my Tumblr stressbakingelf.tumblr.com


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :3

Anders had a nice dick.

It wasn't bias- he was humble about it. Just a fact of life. It was respectable but approachable. Shapely. Well defined. Fuel of many explicit fantasies of lovers come to pass. Perhaps even cute. 

Not an entity to be subjected to a probing, cautious exam inches from his lover's face. Fenris was eyeing it like it was a foreign food he couldn't quite bring to his mouth. They were naked, sprawled out in bed, Fenris said he wanted to try something new but then seemed to regret it. Anders twitched under Fenris's gaze. "Is it... okay?"

Fenris swallowed, a blush coloring his face red. "Yes. Yes of course. Very good." 

Anders didn't think the day after saying 'I love you' would go like this. Falling into bed with Fenris was great fun for an evening, all kisses and passion and their expertise but now he squirmed uncomfortably at Fenris's expression as the elf cautiously stroked him, eyes roving up and down with something like concern. "You ever done this before? It's really okay if-"

Fenris nodded. He brought his mouth closer and clumsily stuck his tongue out, licking Anders's tip and trying to not grimace. "Um." Anders casually snuck a glance and frowned at Fenris clearly not being aroused or into it. He tried it again like he was trying to convince himself it tasted good and looked at Anders with a grossed out face. "It- it tastes like-"

"Penis?"

"Yeah."

"Fenris." Anders covered his mouth and giggled, mood settling in for something less heated. Anders sat up and Fenris looked relieved but tried to hide it, eyes darting away. "Love, it's okay if you don't want to. You're looking at my dick like it's mystery meat night at the tavern."

"You do it for me!" insisted Fenris. He sighed and covered his face, ears still bright red. "I can't get into it. I'm so sorry. I thought I could for you." 

Anders hugged Fenris and brought him in for a kiss, noticing how dejected he looked over a failed blowjob attempt. "I love you, and it's quite alright if you don't enjoy giving oral. Maker, you're so attractive with everything else you do I don't even care." 

"Merrill and Hawke both agreed that trying new things in bed with you would be romantic!" Fenris groaned. "We're so good at sex. It seemed foolproof. I just can't force myself to want to go down on someone."

"Well- you have to like it for it to be romantic." Anders was kissing Fenris again. "I like giving, and you don't. That's that." Anders wondered if there was a deeper explanation for it but didn't press, wanting to salvage the romantic mood of the evening as best he could. 

Fenris sighed, pressing a kiss to Anders's lips. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Should we stick to what we know?"

"Hmmmmmm, got any more furniture you need broken in?"

"Perhaps." Fenris's smile was returning as he kissed Anders. "Or maybe I'd enjoy you better somewhere else inside me." 

Anders grinned and rolled Fenris onto his back, giving him one last peck. Fenris spread his legs and Anders was relieved to see he was getting aroused again. "You never ever need to try something you're uncomfortable with." 

"I thought I'd like it." Fenris slipped a pillow under his own hips and dragged his teeth down his lip as Anders settled between his legs with slick fingers. "I- oh yes- have been surprised by acts with you before."

Anders rubbed Fenris's thigh as he fingered him open, watching Fenris's toes curl and his breaths hitch. "I'm flattered you like trying new things with me." He stroked Fenris's sweet spots, grinning as Fenris clenched the bedding in his fists and groaned, enjoying every rub of his sensitive nerves. 

Fenris's mind buzzed from the heat and arousal and he moaned and pressed up, seeking Anders's mouth on his when Anders slid into him. Anders rocked into him and groaned, fingers curling against Fenris's skin as he eased in and out, gasping and chest rising and falling in time. 

It was more subtle this time as he drifted, so safe under Anders and in such blissful happiness. Fenris was a young man, perhaps a teenager. He was in a room with a tiny kitchen and three beds crammed into it with a low table suitable for sitting on the floor to eat. An elven woman with his eyes stood in front of him with greyed hair. Fenris instinctively knew she was his mother, watching himself help her pour portions of soup for dinner with bread-

Fenris moaned and his back arched up off the bed, breaking into a sweat as Anders snapped his hips into him, hands on Anders's face and in his hair, eyes glazed with passion as he kissed Anders and dug his heels into the bed-

"Leto." His mother smiled and kissed his cheek, which he returned. She sighed. "I think Varania's late again, do you think she'll mind if we eat now?"

"It's fine. I'm sure she eats better than us anyway." Fenris/Leto helped his mother sit down as they ate, side by side, knees touching on the wood planks of the hard floor. His heart swelled with affection for her, the one person he loved above all. Exhaustion shaded her face like a chronic illness turned character trait. With him her eyes sparkled, a happiness tucked away the two of them shared. 

"You train too hard, Leto."

"You know why I do. What I'll do with that boon."

She shifted, leaning against him with a sniffle. "Please don't ask me to live without you. Please, please my son. Don't do it."

"I love you."

Fenris spoke the words out loud and in his memory, eyes snapping open as warmth and pleasure built low in his abdomen, spreading and blossoming as Anders rammed into him. He bucked under Anders, mouth open in a silent scream as he was so close, so achingly close.

"Love you. So much." Anders was jerking unsteadily, alternating between low grunts and sweet gasps. Anders took Fenris in his hand, stroking until Fenris's body tightened and spawned with his climax and they came together, foreheads pressed together as they shared breaths and tired kisses.

Anders held Fenris, stretched out on his back with Fenris's head on his chest, arms around each other. Anders kissed his hair, humming with contentment. "I love seeing you lose yourself, let your guard down because you're safe."

"And I like seeing you relaxed."

Anders giggled. "Are you gonna top next time then?"

Fenris snorted. "Perhaps."

They nestled together in peace for a time, holding hands and completely content. Anders kissed Fenris's temple. Fenris's memory was fading completely back into his head with only a soft impression of curling up with his mother to sleep, adoring her and both wanting the familial comfort no one could take away. He thought remembering her might bring pain, but all the imprint of her soul gave him was a peace he hadn't known he thirsted so dearly for.

"What're you thinking about?" Anders gently scratched Fenris's back, clearly appreciating the view.

"My mom."

Anders spluttered.

"Not what you think!" Fenris chuckled. "I remembered her face, her love for me. My past was such a fog of despair- I'm glad to know I was loved then." He kissed Anders's jaw. "And am loved now."

Anders sniffled. "I-" He choked up, burying his face in Fenris's hair as Fenris made a mental note to take a bath later with extra shampoo. "I love you so much! I- oh Maker I didn't think I'd ever feel this for someone, after all that time!" 

Fenris scooted up and brought Anders in for a proper hug as he happy cried. A flicker of blue gave Fenris the impression Justice was grateful for the embrace too. "I don't know what I'm doing," he admitted. "But I want to do it well. For you." 

"Me too." Anders clung to Fenris, pulling back to give him a watery smile. "I don't know how dating works outside of bed, if I'm honest."

"We'll do our best." Fenris's markings hummed with light, literally giving him an afterglow. He thought about telling Anders more but elected to doze instead. Anders was evidently not as exhausted as he was and reached a hand up to caress Fenris's ear.

"Hhhhhnnnnnnnnnng." Fenris purred deep in his throat and his ears twitched under the pads of Anders's fingertips. Anders gently pet him with a delighted grin, toying with the point of his ear and tucking his white hair behind his ear. 

"Can I kiss your ears?"

Fenris nodded with a warm face as they both sat up, Anders behind him with his chest pressed to Fenris's back, breath hot on his skin as he placed a delicate kiss on Fenris's ear. Fenris purred more. "I didn't know I could make these noises before you."

"It's an elf thing- why else would Isabela call Merrill kitten?" Anders grinned. "I'd like to take you to dinner tomorrow. Isabela knows a great place."

"Sounds good." Fenris gave Anders another kiss and made a mental promise to treasure and protect his mage. 

How soon was too soon to ask him to move in?

-~-

Fenris waited for Anders to finish his work at the clinic. Their date seemed to be off to an awkward start as he paced the alley of Darktown in front of the clinic, wrinkling his nose at the smell of deathroot, death itself, and the sewers. Anders finally emerged from the clinic in a freshly laundered coat, polished boots, a neatly brushed ponytail, and smelling like freshness and some sort of floral scent.

"Hi!" Anders beamed at him and Fenris managed something resembling a smile back.

All he'd done was make sure his sword was sharpened. He definitely smelled like the sewers by now, and Fenris frantically patted his hair, as if he could force it to look well groomed with the power of regret. Why hadn't anyone TOLD him he should dress up? Quite honestly, he didn't know how. "Where are we going?"

Anders either didn't notice Fenris's sudden anxiety or was too polite to comment. Did he think Fenris simply wouldn't bother to look nice for him? That thought was even worse. "The Mermaid's Tail- it's a nice place near Hightown. Serves the people of the docks well off enough to eat somewhere up the hill."

Fenris took Anders's hand and Anders smiled at him. Okay. This might go okay. "You look nice."

"Ah, still not resistant to my natural charm!" Anders kissed Fenris's cheek as they walked into the small restaurant, Fenris trying not to suddenly grimace.

The whole place smelled like fish.

Fenris had a very bad feeling about this date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit short but important things can't be crammed and I wanted their date to have a proper chapter with build up :D
> 
> Macaroooooooooons to commenters! You all are lovely!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!!! I’M ALIVE!!!
> 
> I’m so sorry it’s been like, half a year? Truth be told time has worn away a few friendships I held dear, and it’s been very hard to get back into dragon age without the irl friend who got me into it and an online friend who’d been very close to me for like 5 years and was my beta but simply vanished/got hacked. ZachSteve, I miss ya buddy.
> 
> However, dragon age is very special to me and this sat in my drafts half written for long enough! 
> 
> So without further ado, I hope this still makes sense :3

Every tavern in Lowtown was the same. If it weren't for the stench of fish, Fenris could've sworn they were simply on a date at the Hanged Man. Laughter, shouts, and a comforting privacy-providing din surrounded them in the low lamplight. Fenris felt better about being dressed down, but still wished he'd done something better for Anders.

"Ah, finally, a proper meal together." Anders pulled out a chair at a secluded table by a window. Fenris had to admit this Mermaid Tail place was deck scrubbed and dusted more often than other venues in that part of the city and he slightly relaxed. Anders was so cheerful Fenris managed a strained smile that looked worse than not trying at all. "Hmmmmm, they have lovely clam chowder here."

"I hope they have wine."

"Likely white-" Anders paused. "NO Justice, of course I don't drink anymore." He rolled his eyes. "Justice might fuss- my apologies."

Fenris chuckled. "If we're meant to not fight on our date, he's providing you with someone to argue with instead of me." He was wondering how well he'd be able to keep seafood down. It wasn't right to complain on a first date, was it? Fenris sighed, opting to try shrimp instead and barely managing to willingly ask the long suffering waiter for seafood, as if anything there wouldn't taste like solid saltwater and despair to him. 

Anders gave Fenris another bright smile and pulled a deck of cards out from his pocket. "Friendly game of Wicked Grace?”

Anders was even prepared for the meal wait time. Fenris accepted, sacrificing a few coppers to their betting pool. “I’m sorry for uh, my lack of preparation.”

“Huh? It’s my treat, I’m happy to be out with you.” Anders shuffled the deck. “It’s not a competition, Fenris.”

Fenris was eternally grateful when the bottle of wine arrived. He uncorked it and chugged half of the bottle in one go. “I worry I’m not classy enough to date.”

Anders looked smitten. Fenris belatedly noticed that there was glassware already on the table and awkwardly poured himself a glass of wine. “I love everything about you, Fenris.” Their table service brought a basket of warm rolls and Anders tore into one hungrily as he dealt their cards and looked at his. “Check.”

Fenris glanced at his cards and snorted, glad they were only playing coppers. “Check.”

A few minutes of playing cards passed. Anders put him at ease like no one else quite could. It felt like a breath of air, of living a life he’d never been allowed to have. He couldn’t believe people could have this any time they wanted. He swallowed hard as he watched Anders smile and simply exist, how the light in his eyes shone in the night. Anders smiling so freely was almost as much of a rarity as Fenris grinning. 

Fenris ate a hot roll with his wine, finally telling himself that everything was alright with their date. He stopped his frantic head checking and peripheral glances. As for food, well, what problem was there that wine couldn’t fix?

Anders managed to keep losing magnificently, and Fenris snorted as he yet again scraped a few coppers to himself. “I’ve had absolutely trash in my hand- and yet you have worse?”

“Amazing, isn’t it? I might be cursed.”

Their food arrived and Anders eagerly dig into a bowl of chowder and his fried fish. Fenris poked at his breaded shrimp, telling himself that shrimp generally didn’t taste like anything. He decided to test how well seafood paired with the light taste of a white wine and ate a few shrimps, focusing on the crunchy breading and realizing it wasn’t nearly as bad as fish.

Anders always bolted down meals in record time, nicer than usual seafood no exception. He sighed and leaned back, giving Fenris a fond look. “I love you.”

Fenris’s throat tightened. He blinked in confusion, unused to the feeling.

His throat closed up, in fact. 

Anders frowned as Fenris suddenly wheezed, his face and throat aching as he couldn’t breathe. “Fenris!” Anders’ healing magic flared up and he reached out, hands glowing as he touched Fenris’s chest, making Fenris’s lyrium glow brighter than any lanterns in the establishment.

The chaos was instant.

“WIZARDS! THERE’S APOSTATES ON THE LOOSE!”

“GUARDS! GUARDS!”

Fenris recovered from his allergic reaction and groaned, the first words out of his mouth were, “Well, shit.” 

Anders gave Fenris a sheepish glance as their magic and lyrium swirled with light. Many patrons ran screaming, a few who cared less about their own personal safety continued drinking in their corners, while the clanking sounds of Templars and the city watch running towards them grew louder and the barkeep and a waiter suddenly had swords in their hands.

“We’re not leaving a tip!” snarled Fenris, stepping in front of Anders to shield him. His declaration of no tip leaving made Justice fully flare up, making Anders’s eyes pure gleams of light as he and Anders fought for control.

“A STANDARD SERVICE TIP IS TWENTY PERCENT-“ “We don’t mean any harm!” “-BUT GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES WE SHALL LEAVE FIFTEEN-“ “-Except to that window!”  
shouted Anders and Justice. He glanced behind him and grabbed Fenris’s hand.

Fenris phased through the window behind them as Anders blasted through it, both tumbling out in a mess. Fenris stayed behind Anders, hoping to shield him from any arrows. They sprinted out of town, aided by their powers to stay ahead of but most certainly not lose their pursuers. Fenris cursed their glowing as they drew more and more guards like moths. Anders cast a shield on him and Fenris blocked most attacks as Anders wove down side streets and alleys.

It was similar to how he used to protect Danarius, but he hadn’t protected Danarius with a grin on his face. 

Anders was getting visibly winded by the time they reached the city gates and Fenris took his hand, willingly lending his lyrium. Anders breathed hard and squeezed his hand, lighter on his feet than he’d ever been. They made it out into the surrounding forests and the guards finally gave up, their pay not quite high enough to chase down two magical beings used to being on the run all through the night. 

They gradually slowed down, still casting cautious glances behind them. Anders wheezed and leaned against a tree, clutching his side. He healed his aches and looked Fenris over as Fenris brushed himself off. “Thanks got the help.”

“Getting arrested would’ve made for a bad date.” Fenris was unscathed and merely stretched. “Tonight might’ve been my bad.”

Anders couldn’t hide a mirthful smile. “I’m sorry but- you’re allergic to shrimp? Is that why you seemed sort of tense?”

“Er- I had no idea I was allergic,” admitted Fenris. “I’ve always had an aversion to seafood, but I didn’t think there was a reason. I couldn’t remember I had that allergy, with no memories of my early life.”

“Oh.” Anders chuckled. “Er- I’m sorry. That’s horrible. No more seafood for us. I forgot you usually flee the scent of fish.” 

“I should’ve spoken up, but-“ Fenris huffed with a fond smile. “I had a great time, actually. Looks like we better make camp somewhere, though.”

Anders reached out to take Fenris’s hand and Fenris reflexively pulled away before realizing he wanted to hold Anders’ hand and smacked him in his excitement, snorting at Anders’ bewildered expression. Andraste, was it always going to be this awkward? Anders seemed at ease, following the fresh nighttime sea breeze. The trees thinned out and Fenris could see all of the coast and the stars glittering high above them, welcoming the two for a peaceful stroll in the wilderness. 

“I try to not talk too much about the Circle, but-“ Anders sighed. He gazed up at the stars with a look of wonder, like a child seeing them for the first time. “I never take the stars or the wind for granted. The rain, the sun, the clouds- it still feels so special after being locked away. I wake up in a city, free people all around me every day. Sometimes I worry it’s a dream but here I am, still free, still living and breathing and falling in love with the smallest things every day.”

Fenris let himself stare not at the stars, but at Anders. He hated to admit it, would never have wanted to face it before, but- “I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I’m close to it. Those little freedoms and pleasures of life I never had.” He took a deep breath, bracing himself.

“Anders? I’m sorry.”

“Hm? For what?”

Fenris took in the scenery, wondering what it would be like in a world without people locked away or kept in bondage. “I’m sorry for being harsh with you. The mages I’m angry with, the people who hurt me- I don’t take back being cautious, but I hurt you when you hadn’t done anything to warrant it. We’re more similar than we’d like to be.”

Anders nodded. “Then I’m sorry too, for what you’ve endured. There are things neither of us can get past, but all men have something.”

Fenris knew Anders was trying to say he’d never stop fighting for mags rights and he nodded. They always came back to this. He hoped one day they wouldn’t have to. “I respect that. At least we both hate slavers.”

“AGREED- I, ah, yes. So does Justice.”

They followed a trail down to the beach and found a soft area to rest under a grove of trees. Fenris reclined next to Anders, sighing. His ears twitched and he frowned. Oh, couldn’t they get a break?! “Hey Anders?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t panic, but there’s a pack of wolves headed our way.”

Anders panicked. He threw a fireball towards the coastline and readied himself as a wolf yelped a distance away from them. Fenris sprang to his feet and drew his sword, glowing as he rushed into the middle of the wolves with Anders healing and shielding him. Fenris expertly weaved abd danced between (and occasionally through) the creatures, agile even with his heavy two handed weapon. With Anders on his side, he felt invincible. The pack was slain in a matter of minutes, leaving Fenris panting and bloodstained. He looked at Anders and sighed. “I didn’t think our date was going to go like this.”

“Let’s recap- I take you to a restaurant you don’t like, you have an allergic reaction, we blow apart their wall and are probably banned, get chased by half the Kirkwall watch, and then get attacked by wolves.” Anders smirked. “Sounds about right.”

“We’ll have to try this again sometime. It’s bound to go better.”

Anders looked around at the bloodied ground and watched Fenris brush himself off. He started giggling hysterically, doubled over and hiccuping. It spread to Fenris and soon the two were helplessly guffawing, each glance and eye contact making every bout worse and louder.

“I just- how could this get even more absurd?!” Anders sank back under the tree and Fenris curled up beside him.

“Well, considered how all this has gone-“ Fenris didn’t look Anders in the eye but did reach for his hand. “Merrill said elves will give each other bonding presents and I don’t have anything, not really.” 

“It’s okay Fenris, I-“

“So let’s skip the gift giving. You should just move in with me.”

Anders widened his eyes. “What- really?!”

“I have no desire to use Danarius’s mansion for myself, but if it was ours, and you wanted to fix it up and make it a home, I’d be happy to let you.” Fenris folded his arms, habitually defensive. “I am not your housekeeper, and I’ll drink whatever I please, and you’ll have to deal with my nonexistent sleep schedule-“

“Fenris- I’d be honored to get to stay with you. You really mean it?” Anders’ voice was soft, as though he wanted to hope so badly that he’d have a home but couldn’t quite believe it.

“Yes.”

Anders leaned close and kissed Fenris, the affection welcome after such a harried night. “Thank you- I just- I’m an apostate-“

Fenris huffed with laughter and kissed Anders back. “I’m cleverer than you think, you know. I have quite vocal opinions about magic around town- who on earth would believe a rumor that I of all people would harbor a mage?”

“That’s- damn, you’re right.” Anders beamed with delight. “Can I have a cat?!”

“If it makes you happy, then bring home every stray in the city!” Fenris paused. “Actually, I’m pretty sure I have mice. Please get us a cat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone both returning and new, hope you all liked the update! I don’t want to wait as long this time haha 
> 
> I’ve gotten into Arcana now but dragon age will always be a part of me. Check out my tumblr to stay in touch with the latest shitposts! StressBakingElf.tumblr.com


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